For many years, I felt like I was missing something because I didn’t have very clear and specific goals for my life and career. In other words, I didn’t know what I wanted to do and be when I grew up (and I still don’t)! It seemed like everyone else knew where they were heading.  I hoped that I could take a quiz and figure out what my ideal profession would be, but that never happened. Instead it seemed like I found most of my jobs by chance, accepted them based on intuition (“Sure, that sounds good!”), and learned through experience what I liked and was good at, as well as the skills and responsibilities I didn’t particularly enjoy or excel in. 

Then a few years ago, I did a reflection exercise to identify my core values, and suddenly I was able to put into words what I’m all about and what matters to me. This turned out to be much more useful than having a job title or level of achievement as a goal. And when it came to making important decisions, like whether to pursue a new job, I was able to assess whether a new opportunity would make me happy by measuring it against my core values.

What Core Values are (and are not)

Core values reflect what you believe as an individual and influence how you do things - they reflect what makes you unique, your essence. Your core values are usually pretty stable over time and in different contexts, though it is possible for them to change over time, especially which are top priority. Your values can be represented by a single word or a phrase, and they do not carry a value judgment - all are valid. It’s also okay to have seemingly contradictory values like adventure and security at the same time.

It’s worth noting that your core values are not the same as societal values or morals that you have been taught, or about what you “should” do; of course, those may influence your personal values, but when you spend time in another environment for a significant amount of time, you realize that they were not really your values. Likewise, values are not the same as beliefs, which tend to be interpretations in your head of past experiences and can be both positive and negative. Values are generally experienced as positive, and in your heart.

Why is it important to know what my Core Values are?

Most people don’t have  a deep connection to their values, or talk about them with others. Being aware of your core values is helpful when you need to make an important decision or let other people know what you’re all about. They come into play for everyday choices and actions, usually unconsciously, but when you know what principles are most important to you, you can make decisions more easily and are more likely to be satisfied. Most people make a list of pros and cons when they have to choose among options, and evaluating these against your core values helps you to determine what will be best for you. I often feel a sense of immediate peace and relief when I’ve reached a decision that is in line with my values - it just feels right.

They are also a helpful tool for expressing yourself. Your authentic presence, or state of being, requires knowing and behaving in alignment with your values - what you stand for and what people can expect from you. When you have words or phrases to describe your core values, you have powerful language to convey what you are passionate about.

And when you are feeling unhappy or dissatisfied about some aspect of your life, it’s often because one of your core values are being neglected or violated, so knowing what they are can help you pinpoint where you may need to make changes.

How do I identify my Core Values?

Here’s a simple and quick way to identify your core values by picking from a list of common values (printable worksheet). Write down 5 to 8 that have the greatest influence on how you do things and how you interact with others. Feel free to add any other values that are of high importance to you but missing from the list. 

Then use these questions to help you narrow this list to your top 3 values:

• If you woke up tomorrow morning with enough money to never have to work another day in your life, would you continue to live these values?

• Would you want to hold these values, even if they became a disadvantage or you could be penalized for them?

• Do your friends, family, and peers know what you value? How do they know?

• Are there any gaps between what you say you value and what you do (how you act)?  If so, how do you account for this gap?  When does it occur?

Five years ago, I did a combination of journaling and drawing a mind map to identify my top values using exercises from a book called Pivot: The Only Move That Matters Is Your Next One by Jenny Blake. I chose to use phrases instead of single words, as I had combined a few related concepts into themes. These key themes still ring true for me and have served as a guiding light in my life:

• Journey of adventure and growth (risk-taking, variety) - I am not afraid of taking risks; in fact I enjoy it and joke that I like living on the edge. I need to continue to challenge myself in new ways, push limits, expand past my comfort zone, try the impossible, get stronger and more resilient, and experience new things. I’m a variety junkie!

• Balanced well-being and playfulness (humor) - I want to enjoy life, be healthy and present, work my mind, body and soul (and give them rest), nourish my senses, create, be light and laugh, radiate positive energy, and reduce suffering and angst in myself and the world.

• Changing the world in small and big ways (meaning and connection) - I want to make the world better by being generous with my time, resources, and talents when others need help. I value being able to connect with other people through one-to-one relationships, listening, and advice, and in groups through teaching, training, and facilitation. It’s even better when I can use scalable platforms to make broad and lasting improvements to people’s lives.

And now you know a little more about what makes me tick. With these values as a reference, I am able to confidently make choices that might go against the grain but are right for me. With each move, I come closer to becoming more me.