I was recently frustrated with myself for changing my mind multiple times and feeling uncertain about plans I had made. When I talked it through with a coaching colleague, I realized that not knowing exactly what I wanted was to be expected, given that I made changes in my life to fulfill some objectives I had set for this year. After going through a difficult time last year, I wanted to make sure that this year would be better, my best year yet. Even though this was something that I wanted and initiated on my own, I was forging my own path, not following a well-defined route. And never having been to my future destination, of course I couldn’t know exactly what to expect along the way and once I reached it.

This reminded me of a conversation I had while working with a financial planner on retirement planning a couple years ago. As part of the pre-work, I did a visualization exercise to imagine what retirement might look like. It was the first time I had ever really thought about it in detail, and I considered things like where I wanted to live and how I would spend my time. That helped me determine how much money I would need to save to pay for housing, everyday expenses, big ticket items like travel, etc. But it also made me a bit uneasy to commit to that vision of my life decades in the future, when I knew there was so much uncertainty ahead. The way my retirement plan was set up, there was a model with dozens of inputs and assumptions, all of which could be modified to recompute the model and its predicted outcomes. 

Multiple Routes

When you are trying to get somewhere by car, there are usually multiple ways to get to your destination. Which one is best? It depends on what’s most important to you at the time. Sometimes you just want to get there as quickly and efficiently as possible. In that case, you can follow the fastest route provided by your GPS. That works great for everyday needs like driving to and from work.

But sometimes, the fastest route might require taking a tricky left turn onto a busy street or paying a toll. Maybe you want an easier or cheaper route, and time is not the most important factor. Or maybe you need to stop by CVS on your way home to pick something up. Your GPS can handle all of those situations.

Likewise, in life, there is more than one way to get to where you want to go. When faced with choices, consider what your priorities are, and pick the path that best meets your needs.

Unexpected Roadblocks 

At times, you may encounter a roadblock or other unexpected challenge on your usual route that your GPS doesn’t know about. You might need to take a different turn, straying from the prescribed route. Then what happens? The GPS does not start sounding alarms and ordering you to get back on the original route. Instead, it recalculates a new route based on where you are.

So when things don’t go as expected in life, before you panic and tell yourself that you’re never going to make it, turn on your inner GPS and recompute your path. In the end, you’ll still get there.

Trying new routes and discovery

Back in the day before we had kids, my husband and I used to enjoy going on weekend drives, exploring an area without having any particular destination in mind. We had no idea where we would end up, and part of the fun was the discovery, finding something we didn’t know before. There could be endless potential outcomes, and we didn’t have preconceived notions of what to expect. This was before Google Maps existed, but even if it did, we couldn’t map a route without having a specified destination.

We felt disoriented at times navigating unfamiliar areas. Sometimes we’d turn onto a street and run into a dead end or end up somewhere we didn’t like. When that happened, we would just turn around and go back to where we came from, having learned not to go that way again. But the real beauty of discovery was when we found something really cool and unexpected along the way, like an amazing view or a cool little cafe. If we had stuck with the familiar, we would have missed out on the delight of finding something new.

So when you’re trying new things in life and things don’t go as you expected, remember that this is fine. It’s not a mistake or misstep.

Coming back to my original story, I felt disappointed when things didn't go how I expected, and my first thought was that it was my fault, that I failed. But when I apply the driving navigation analogy, if I visited a place that I had never been to, and I had an image of what it might be like, would I feel like a failure if the place didn’t match my mental image? Of course not! That’s just part of discovery. I might be surprised, but I would not judge myself for not knowing an unknown place.

Next time you are facing an ambiguous situation without a well-lit path, go into it armed with your internal GPS and the knowledge that whatever path you take, if you keep going and stay open to discovery, you will get to where you need to be in the end.