No Mo FOMO
Tis the season for busyness. Kids are back in school, we’re starting the annual strategy and planning process at work, and the to-do list just keeps getting longer. I noticed myself becoming overwhelmed by all the things I needed to get done for work and didn’t like how it was affecting me - I was too focused on what I was not getting done, and where I was falling behind. So I set out to reframe my situation in a different, more constructive and positive light. I worked with my coach to form a new perspective, choosing where to put my attention in the moment, one step at a time, rather than getting bogged down by all the things I could or should be getting done. I started by seeing my work as a giant warehouse with harsh and bright fluorescent flood lights illuminating every nook and cranny of the space and changed it to the gentle glow of a candle in my hands that showed me just what I need to see right in front of me, where I could still walk in any direction one step at a time. Limiting the light, or my attention, would allow me to be very present and intentional, and it also meant accepting that everything else would stay in the dark until I chose to step closer to it.
My perspective is influenced in no small part by reading the book Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mere Mortals by Oliver Burkeman a few months ago. I can’t remember who recommended it to me (if it was you, thank you!), because I didn’t bother to crack the book open until several weeks after I got it from the library. After all, I thought, I’m pretty good at time management already, meaning I know how to be productive and get lots of things done. But I was wrong, because this book is about taking a different view on time management. It’s not about packing as much as possible into the time you have, but acknowledging that our time is limited—an 80-year life span is about 4000 weeks—and making the best use of it. No matter how much we do, there is always more we could do, and we just end up feeling busier, stressed, and unfulfilled. Instead, if we accept and embrace the finitude of life, let go of the idea that we have to do everything, and focus on a few things that really count, life becomes more meaningful and satisfying.
Doing only a few things means choosing not to do a lot of other things. This is not easy to do given all of the distractions we have at our fingertips, many of which are designed to grab our limited attention and influence our behaviors, like social media apps and sites that make it easy to scroll and refresh. We’re bombarded with endless information and choices. My email inbox and physical mailbox are full of messages and images designed to attract my attention. All of these are very tempting ways to distract myself and deal with boredom, but then I just end up avoiding and procrastinating on what really matters. And because there are so many things competing for my attention, it creates a sense of missing out if I don’t tend to them.
The thing is, I only feel FOMO (fear of missing out) because I know these things exist! If I didn’t, I’d just go merrily about my business. So where possible, I’m letting go of the things that cause the most distraction, unsubscribing from email lists, limiting social media, opting out of catalogs that I never subscribed to in the first place, and ignoring click bait. But more importantly, I’m weaning myself off of the to-do list and deciding, even if it gives me the uncomfortable feeling of settling, on the few really important things.
Does any of this sound familiar? If so, stop worrying about what you’re not doing and pay attention to what you choose to spend your time on. Choose to give your attention to the present, what is right in front of you, instead of the endless possibilities. Do the most meaningful things first, and be okay with dropping the rest, especially those middling priorities, because those are the most tempting distractions but ultimately won’t matter much. Letting go can be incredibly liberating, and allows you to focus on the experience of doing something that might be challenging or have an uncertain outcome, but will ultimately be more fulfilling.
Tune in next week for more wisdom from Four Thousand Weeks…
