Self-Reflection: The Retrospective Method
I was talking with a coaching client the other day who mentioned that he does a yearly self-reflection exercise. This includes expressing gratitude and setting goals for the upcoming year. This reminds me of the retrospectives that are often conducted at the close of a project or major phase of a project. The goal is to look back and learn from what happened so you understand what you should keep doing and what you can improve in the future. This is usually done in a group, but you can do a retrospective just for and by yourself.
As 2022 comes to a close, perhaps you’ll have some time off from work or school or whatever your usual occupation is. This is a great time to reflect back on your year. There are a few different formats of retrospectives, but I’ll offer this simple version:
What went well?
What could have gone better?
What am I going to do about it?
What went well?
Around this time of year, it’s common for the media to issue various best-of lists with the most popular songs and movies or top events of the year. What were your best-of moments - the memories you look back on fondly, and the accomplishments you are most proud of? Don’t think too hard about it, just write down whatever comes to mind. Take a moment to feel gratitude for the good things in your life, and to celebrate your own achievements. This may not come naturally for everyone, but try to keep an open mind, give it a try, and see how it feels. Perhaps this also brings up some thoughts about what is working well that you want to keep doing.
Example: This year I completed a coaching training program called The Art and Science of Coaching at Erickson International. Thanks to the pandemic they began offering this program virtually, so I was able to take my classes from home. I completed over 128 hours of classroom training. I am grateful for the chance to meet classmates from all over the world and learn a ton of fascinating neuroscience-based methods. I am proud of my dedication to attending the class on Wednesday evenings, right in the middle of the work week, and often when the last thing I wanted to do was sit in front of a computer for three more hours!
I’m sharing a work example, but it can be about school, sports, taking care of your health, finances, travel, hobbies, relationships, or anything else that matters to you.
What didn’t go so well?
Unless you are extremely lucky, it’s likely that not everything went perfectly this year. What are some of the disappointments or failures you experienced? What regrets do you have? Again, don’t think too hard, just let the ideas flow. Sometimes, people don’t want to talk about negative things and prefer to focus on the positive. As an eternal optimist (okay, a realistic optimist), I get it. I prefer not to dwell on bad things, and this is just about acknowledging them and learning what we can from them in order to let them go.
First, allow yourself to feel the feelings of sadness, anger, frustration, annoyance, or whatever comes up for you. There’s no need to pretend you're fine with all of it. Just try to avoid blaming yourself, or turning this into guilt.
Then, take a slightly different perspective and consider what you might learn from what happened. What might you stop doing that didn’t work so well, or what new approach could you try?
Example: I took on a new role at work and faced a series of difficult situations. While many of these were out of my control and some problems existed before I took on the role, I went through periods of time where I felt like it was my fault and that I had failed on many levels. But I also learned some valuable new skills through my experiences, and also learned a lot about myself.
What am I going to do about it?
Looking at your answers to the first two questions, what are you becoming aware of? What does this make you want to do? This is a great time to set some goals or intentions for yourself in the coming year. In my next post, I’ll share another method of assessing how things are going in various aspects of your life that will also help you to identify what is already going well and where you may want to make changes.
That’s it! I hope you find this simple retrospective format helpful and thought-provoking. In between holiday celebrations and family gatherings, take some time for yourself in a quiet space to write down your answers in a journal. Or if you prefer to think aloud, you could share your answers with your partner, family, friend, or trusted advisor. And maybe you can even try doing a group retrospective with your family, friends, or organization.
