Last fall, I was compelled to take a three-month leave from work due to severe burnout. I've struggled with burnout before, but this time, it felt different, like a mental breakdown. Panic attacks and a sense of mental paralysis made normal work impossible. While I'll delve further into the topic of burnout in the future, one of the biggest lessons I learned during my recovery was how burnout often stems from perfectionism or people-pleasing. I don’t like to call myself a perfectionist – I’m a satisficer who embraces a growth mindset, someone who follows the 80/20 rule! But if I’m being honest, I do have perfectionist tendencies. Admitting that was surprisingly painful because it was yet another flaw to fix. However, through my recovery, I discovered ways to break free from my cage of perfectionism, a place that was filled with low self-worth, anxiety, and depression.

Where does perfectionism come from?

Perfectionism often hides within high achievers, those driven by ambition and a relentless desire to excel. There's nothing inherently wrong with this, and in fact, if you can relate to this, it's likely a major reason for your past successes. However, when life throws us off-balance or we get emotionally triggered, this drive can warp into unhealthy perfectionism. Many of us carry this tendency, ingrained through our upbringing or cultural influences. As children, we learned to link our worth to achievement; praise came from being "good" and doing well.  It's natural to then see the world in extremes: you're either good or bad. The problem is, no one can be excellent and perfect at everything, all the time.

In my case, I felt like I had to be perfect or the best, or else I was a failure. This mentality seeped into the smallest, most surprising corners of my life. My personal grooming — did I give myself a fresh manicure every week? My wellness routines — did I take every supplement and hit my protein goals? Did I reach 10,000 steps? There are many more that are too embarrassing to mention — seemingly harmless and positive habits that I unknowingly transformed into rigid rules. I felt guilty not signing up to volunteer for my kids’ school or donate to a random charity. This became perfectionism that put pressure on me to keep everything going, in addition to the spinning plates I was managing at work. Failing any of them meant I was falling short - suddenly I had the crushing feeling that I was failing on multiple fronts, that I was a failure. That’s how I lost confidence in my own abilities.

What’s wrong with perfectionism?

Striving for perfection becomes destructive when the pressure it creates is unsustainable. You simply cannot achieve 100% perfection all the time, and this misguided pursuit can lead to harmful behaviors. At work, this might look like endless revisions to a document before sharing it — or worse, never sharing it out of fear that it’s not good enough. Even when work is completed, you’re never satisfied due to impossibly high standards. You might say yes to everything, believing 'more is better,' or refuse to ask for help, thinking you must do it all alone. Fear of failure stifles risk-taking and creativity, while endless second-guessing makes decisions agonizing. Perfectionism breeds conflict avoidance, feelings of guilt, and the internalization of failure. It's an exhausting trap of your own unwitting creation, and your mental health suffers.

Even worse, perfectionism can affect how we treat others. It can make you harshly critical and judgmental of others.  As leaders, this manifests in micromanagement, endlessly revising the work of others, or refusing to delegate because no one could possibly meet your standards. Perfectionist parents might obsess over creating a picture-perfect life for their children, or hold them to impossible expectations, unknowingly raising the next generation of perfectionists.

How do you overcome perfectionism?

If this resonates with you, don't despair! Shifting from perfectionism to excellence is the way out. Like perfectionism, excellence values high-quality outcomes, but it's a kinder approach. It focuses on the process, embracing growth and adaptability along the way. Excellence allows for flexibility and doesn't demand a single, "perfect" path. While you can't transform overnight, you can start by intentionally choosing to take small actions that feel unnatural or uncomfortable. 

For example:

• Leave your bed unmade (this has never been a problem for me!) 

• Don't wash all of the dishes that are piled up in the sink

• Leave your nails unmanicured

• Turn in an assignment or share a document for feedback without revising it three times

• Send an email without proofreading it

• Say no to someone who asks for your help or support

• Come late to a meeting

• Participate in a sport or activity that you’re not good at

• Delegate a task to someone else and just let them run with it

Does reading this list make you feel nervous? I get it, believe me. You might worry that letting go of perfectionism means lowering your standards and sacrificing your ability to perform at your best. But the truth is, you don't need to be perfect to be successful. When you’re struggling to release that tight grip, pause and ask yourself: 

• What truly matters in this situation?

• Why does this specific detail matter so much?

• What am I sacrificing in my pursuit of perfection?

• In the grand scheme of things, does this level of perfection really matter?

Start small with low-stakes challenges. As you confront your perfectionism, you'll discover that mistakes and failures are surprisingly rare — and even if they happen, you can bounce back. You'll gain valuable time for the things that truly matter. More importantly, you'll break free from the self-imposed weight of pressure, discontent, and inadequacy.