It's Time for a Midyear Self-Reflection

Photo courtesy of Chris Robinson

I’m currently in the Algarve region of Portugal on a family vacation. It was an ordeal getting here because our connecting flight from Toronto to Lisbon was canceled, one of our bags was lost (thanks a lot, Air Canada), and the total trip from San Francisco took over 40 hours. But now that the bag has been delivered and we’ve had a few nights of decent sleep, I’ve been able to really relax and detach. I’ve also had jet lag, finding myself wide awake at 3 am a couple of times. This gave me the chance to engage in long conversations with my husband while the kids were asleep and do a lot of musing. So I thought it would be a fun exercise to do a midyear self-reflection as we approach the end of June.

This was inspired in part by the #IAmRemarkable movement and workshops that a couple of women at Google started back in 2016. If you have struggled with self-promotion and talking about your own accomplishments, I highly recommend this very powerful experience. It started in a women-only workshop (Stretch) for confidence-building and career development that I have facilitated many times, so I have personally witnessed the I Am Remarkable exercise over and over.

Before you start, try to find a quiet spot where you can do your self-reflection. You may want to write it down, or you could also do this together with a trusted friend, family member, mentor, or coach. 

Looking Back

Accomplishments

Think back on everything that you’ve done and experienced in the past six months, or whatever time period you choose. List out as many of your accomplishments, personal, or professional, that you can think of. They can be big or small, and all that matters is that they are significant to you. In the #IAmRemarkable workshops, each participant stands up and reads their entire list of accomplishments aloud, starting each sentence with the phrase, “I am remarkable because…” It’s very uncomfortable at first, but empowering. So you get extra credit if you share your accomplishments like this with at least one other person. Don’t worry about whether other people will think or fall into the comparison trap. This is about you expressing your achievements.  I'll share a couple of my own as examples; yours may be completely different in nature. 

I am remarkable because I completed all the requirements to get my coaching certification from ICF. I am remarkable because I got strong enough this year in my home workouts to do chest presses with 40 pound dumbbells and shoulder presses with 25 pound dumbbells. I am remarkable because I consistently published an article on this blog every week this year, and 27 total since I started at the end of 2022.

Resilience

Next, write down all the tough things you have endured or survived. It’s likely that the first half of your year hasn’t been all rosy. We all go through difficulties and it’s important to acknowledge the struggles in life because they helped make you who you are today. Again, it doesn’t matter if anyone else would find these things difficult.

My company laid off 12K employees in January, and it was a shock to find out that so many of my co-workers had been let go unceremoniously. We had a couple of family emergencies that were very stressful and I had to unexpectedly adapt my daily routine and schedule to the circumstances.

Other Noteworthy Stuff

To wrap up the retrospective part of your self-reflection, feel free to add anything else that happened such as significant events, something you are proud of that doesn’t fit the previous two categories, or new things that you tried or experienced.

I took a spent grain bread making class with my husband at a local brewery. I visited Portugal for the first time and tried lots of new foods like the ubiquitous Pastel de nata and drinks like Rose Port wine. 

Looking Ahead

Goals & Aspirations 

Now that you've had a chance to reflect on what's happened in the first half of the year, it’s time to set goals for what you want to do in the second half. These can be brand new, or a continuation of something you started earlier. Perhaps you revisit your Life Wheel for inspiration.

My yoga goal is to be able to get into forearm balance (pincha mayurasana) away from the wall. 

Changes & Pivots

What in your life would you like to change or do differently? This includes modifying any goals that you had previously set that may no longer serve their original purpose. In our goal-driven culture, we sometimes focus so hard on achieving our goals that we lose sight of why we wanted to do it in the first place. This fixation on attainment can overshadow the impact or end result that we really were originally going for. Sometimes as you work towards a goal you will gain some knowledge that puts this into question. It's important to pay attention to those things and periodically reassess whether it’s really the right goal. I tend to have high self-discipline, so I need to watch out for this.

I will be less rigid with myself about waking up super early and working out every morning so I can practice being lazy at times and get more sleep and recovery time. I realized on this vacation that since the beginning of the pandemic, getting up before the kids woke up was my way of coping with the stress from uncertainty, underlying fear, and the drastic changes to daily routines that we all faced. I rarely had a day when I didn’t do some kind of workout. Now that we are shifting to a different kind of normalcy, I can let go of that and focus on the ongoing health benefits without being so extreme.

Anticipating challenges

This is the "risk management" part of your reflection. What are some obvious things that could get in the way of your goals? What could you do to minimize the likelihood or impact of these obstacles? If they happen, how will you respond so you're not thrown completely off track? Don’t spend too much time on this as it could morph into excessive worrying. Because I know myself and have a pretty high tolerance for risk, I skipped this part.

So what came up for you? If you did this exercise and are feeling brave, share one of your accomplishments in the comments! 

Self-Reflection: The Wheel

Happy almost New Year! In my last post, I shared a simple template for a Retrospective, or look back, that you can use at the end of the year (or at any time) to learn from your experiences, both good and bad. I did my own retrospective this week and one thing really stood out to me. While I’ve been saying that 2022 was a terrible year and I can’t wait for it to be over, when I actually listed out what went well and what could have gone better, the positives outweighed the negatives. By a lot.

That tells me that even though I sometimes felt like I was in the depths of despair due to things going on in my life and the world in general, and though I felt weary and beaten down by a never ending stream of More Bad News, I have so much to be thankful for. And since research links gratitude to well-being, I have a lot on my side in my pursuit of happiness.

Today, I’ll discuss how you can use a Life Balance Wheel (aka the Wheel of Life), a tool commonly used in coaching, to assess how things are going in key areas of your life and where you might want to make some changes. Now, I haven’t been a big fan of setting New Year’s resolutions because I believe in continuous improvement, but I’ll admit that the beginning of the year is a nice time to wipe the slate clean and start some new habits.

Maybe you aren’t sure where to start, but have a feeling that you want to change something. The Wheel can help you hone in on the areas of your life where you might not be totally satisfied and would like to be happier. If you haven’t already, I recommend that you do a retrospective first, since that tends to bring up things that are top of mind for you, before doing broader assessment using the Wheel.

It’s a pretty simple exercise that you can do in a short amount of time. Start with a blank piece of paper and draw a circle. Then divide it into eight sections by drawing a line down the middle vertically, another horizontally, and two more diagonally.

You can also download this printable worksheet.

Then label each pie piece of the circle with one of these categories

• Health

• Occupation

• Learning

• Money

• Relationships

• Family 

• Hobbies 

But wait, you say. That’s only 7 categories! What about the 8th pie piece? This is your wild card, reserved for any other core area that is meaningful to you - spirituality, religion, service, giving, or something else unique to you.

Now that you’ve set up your categories, focus on one at a time. On a scale of 1 to 10 where 1 is least satisfied and 10 is totally satisfied, rate how satisfied you are in this area right now. Consider the questions below and then write down your number inside each pie piece.

Health

You can define this however you want so that it’s meaningful to you. Consider your physical health, and aspects of health that are important to you - for example, medical conditions, fitness or other activity, nutrition, sleep, hydration, etc. This could also include mental and emotional health - how well are you able to process information and think clearly, and make good decisions? How well do you cope with and manage your emotions?

Occupation

No matter what you do, everyone has an occupation. Perhaps it’s your career or job, paid or unpaid. Or you might be a student or trainee in school, university, or a training program. Or maybe you are a philanthropist, volunteer, or full-time parent. Are you doing what you want to be doing? If not, are you taking any steps toward what you want? If you are already doing it, how’s it going?

Learning

This is important for a sense of progress, and could also be called personal growth or self-development. Consider the level and quality of learning. And what are you learning? Keep in mind you can learn in a variety of ways - classes, training, videos, books, experiences, self-guided or with a teacher, etc. This could be related to your occupation or hobbies.

Money

This area is about more than just how much money you make or your net worth; it’s about your sense of prosperity in the world and in life. Can you afford the things you need in life to survive and thrive? Perhaps you are saving towards a major purchase or for retirement. Do you have debt that you are paying down, or accumulating more of? Do you set aside funds to Treat Yo Self?

Family

This could be your children, or your family of origin, or your partner or spouse. Are you able to spend enough quality time with your family? How is your home life? Are you keeping in touch with family who doesn’t live near you?

Relationships

Similar to family, this is about having friendships and intimacy in your life. Do you have people that you enjoy spending time with? When you want to share about your life and work, or discuss a problem you are having, who comes to mind? Who would you call if you needed help with something?

Hobbies

This can be anything you do for fun, leisure, or recreation. What do you like to do when you’re not working or taking care of other obligations? Some of my hobbies overlap with health because they include working out and yoga. I also enjoy cooking and baking, and consider that a hobby since I don’t do it every day. 

Ask yourself similar questions about your wild card category. And if any of these areas are not important to you, feel free to omit them. This is about what matters to you. 

After rating each area, graph your satisfaction, draw a line (or arc) in your pie piece where 1 is closest to the center and 10 is at the outline of the circle. If you like, you can shade in your pie piece. When you’re done, it will look something like this:

Now it’s time to reflect on your Wheel. Take a look at all the areas in your Wheel and consider that they are all part of a system, and they all contribute to your overall satisfaction, success, happiness, and well-being. What do you notice? Maybe you’re firing on all cylinders and everything is great. Or maybe you’re dissatisfied in a lot of areas, or there are a couple that really stand out to you. Is there an area in particular that, if you could improve it, would make everything else better? As you identify areas of low satisfaction, you might dive deeper into what part of it is problematic and what specifically you want to change.

You have the opportunity in the New Year to do some things differently. What will you resolve to change? Consider sharing this with a friend or family member to get their thoughts, and to help keep you accountable.

Stay tuned for my next post, where I’ll discuss the Formula for Change to help you increase your chances of success.

Self-Reflection: The Retrospective Method

I was talking with a coaching client the other day who mentioned that he does a yearly self-reflection exercise. This includes expressing gratitude and setting goals for the upcoming year. This reminds me of the retrospectives that are often conducted at the close of a project or major phase of a project. The goal is to look back and learn from what happened so you understand what you should keep doing and what you can improve in the future. This is usually done in a group, but you can do a retrospective just for and by yourself.

As 2022 comes to a close, perhaps you’ll have some time off from work or school or whatever your usual occupation is. This is a great time to reflect back on your year. There are a few different formats of retrospectives, but I’ll offer this simple version:

• What went well?

• What could have gone better?

• What am I going to do about it?

What went well? 

Around this time of year, it’s common for the media to issue various best-of lists with the most popular songs and movies or top events of the year. What were your best-of moments - the memories you look back on fondly, and the accomplishments you are most proud of? Don’t think too hard about it, just write down whatever comes to mind. Take a moment to feel gratitude for the good things in your life, and to celebrate your own achievements. This may not come naturally for everyone, but try to keep an open mind, give it a try, and see how it feels. Perhaps this also brings up some thoughts about what is working well that you want to keep doing.

Example: This year I completed a coaching training program called The Art and Science of Coaching at Erickson International. Thanks to the pandemic they began offering this program virtually, so I was able to take my classes from home. I completed over 128 hours of classroom training. I am grateful for the chance to meet classmates from all over the world and learn a ton of fascinating neuroscience-based methods. I am proud of my dedication to attending the class on Wednesday evenings, right in the middle of the work week, and often when the last thing I wanted to do was sit in front of a computer for three more hours!

I’m sharing a work example, but it can be about school, sports, taking care of your health, finances, travel, hobbies, relationships, or anything else that matters to you.

What didn’t go so well? 

Unless you are extremely lucky, it’s likely that not everything went perfectly this year. What are some of the disappointments or failures you experienced? What regrets do you have? Again, don’t think too hard, just let the ideas flow. Sometimes, people don’t want to talk about negative things and prefer to focus on the positive. As an eternal optimist (okay, a realistic optimist), I get it. I prefer not to dwell on bad things, and this is just about acknowledging them and learning what we can from them in order to let them go.

First, allow yourself to feel the feelings of sadness, anger, frustration, annoyance, or whatever comes up for you. There’s no need to pretend you're fine with all of it. Just try to avoid blaming yourself, or turning this into guilt.

Then, take a slightly different perspective and consider what you might learn from what happened. What might you stop doing that didn’t work so well, or what new approach could you try?

Example: I took on a new role at work and faced a series of difficult situations. While many of these were out of my control and some problems existed before I took on the role, I went through periods of time where I felt like it was my fault and that I had failed on many levels. But I also learned some valuable new skills through my experiences, and also learned a lot about myself. 

What am I going to do about it?

Looking at your answers to the first two questions, what are you becoming aware of? What does this make you want to do? This is a great time to set some goals or intentions for yourself in the coming year. In my next post, I’ll share another method of assessing how things are going in various aspects of your life that will also help you to identify what is already going well and where you may want to make changes. 

That’s it! I hope you find this simple retrospective format helpful and thought-provoking. In between holiday celebrations and family gatherings, take some time for yourself in a quiet space to write down your answers in a journal. Or if you prefer to think aloud, you could share your answers with your partner, family, friend, or trusted advisor. And maybe you can even try doing a group retrospective with your family, friends, or organization.