Unlock the Cage: Emotional Triggers

Glimmers in the sky: cloud iridescence (photo credit: Chris Robinson)

A few weeks ago I saw a meme explaining glimmers – the opposite of triggers – and the next day, YouTube suggested a Glimmer-themed yoga video. The universe was sending me a message! It’s so easy to feel bombarded by negative news and the constant churn of change and uncertainty. This turns our internal narrative a little paranoid, letting positive experiences slide right off our backs while clinging to the bad stuff. This negativity bias, while once helpful for survival, can magnify modern problems into life-or-death threats. Thankfully, by embracing glimmers we can chip away at the negativity bias and learn to manage those emotional triggers.

Why we get triggered

Human beings (and other mammals) possess a negativity bias that weights negative signals more heavily than positive signals. This bias was helpful in the early days of human existence in the face of frequent mortal threats such as predators, heightening our focus and triggering the flight-or-flight response necessary for survival. Individuals with a stronger negativity bias were more likely to survive these encounters. While the types of negative stimuli we encounter are rarely at the level of life and death, our physiological response sometimes makes us experience them as strongly as we might with a matter of life and death. 

We don’t just notice negative stimuli more; we tend to ruminate on them, which is why traumatic events – and even minor setbacks or arguments – can linger long after they’ve passed. This negativity bias helps explain why we get emotionally triggered, and why unhooking from the triggers can be challenging. Think about a time you had a negative interaction with a stranger. Did you find yourself replaying the experience in your mind, dwelling on the negativity, while forgetting any positive interactions you had that day? This tendency to amplify the negative is a powerful force. It can shape our perceptions, making us gloss over our accomplishments and hyper-focus on criticisms. My personal example is how I used to read my performance reviews. I would skim through any praise, and then zero in on the smallest bit of constructive feedback at the end. The perceived criticism became magnified, driving me to tears. Perhaps you can relate to this feeling of the negative overshadowing the positive..

Negativity bias makes us more susceptible to negative news, and the reality is that news already tends to skew negative. On top of that, the lightning speed of information today creates a constant bombardment, making it feel like the world is in a perpetual state of crisis. From national and global issues to local concerns and industry-specific challenges, negativity seems ever-present. Add to that the usual challenges of work, family, and friendships, and it's no wonder we feel overwhelmed, and helpless. I once made a long list (a spreadsheet, actually) of all my problems – I do not recommend doing this – and it contributed to my feelings of overwhelm and helplessness.

The problem is, our bodies react to a threat with the same intensity whether it's immediate and physical or simply a worrisome thought. This fight-or-flight response, while meant to be protective, can cloud our judgment. When we identify too strongly with negative emotions – perhaps a coworker's comment sparks old feelings of inadequacy – it becomes difficult to think clearly and find a solution.

The good news is, with an awareness of negativity bias, we can learn to manage its influence and cultivate a more balanced perspective.

Glimmers are the antidote

Thankfully, there's an antidote to this negativity trap: glimmers. The concept of glimmers, attributed to Deb Dana, a clinician specializing in polyvagal theory, focuses on tiny moments that inspire joy or wonder. These can be sweet, simple things – a piece of art, the beauty of nature, a smile, or cuddling your pet. Noticing glimmers, savoring the moment, and gathering positive experiences creates a shift in your mindset, balancing out the inevitable negative experiences and benefiting your mental health by changing how your mind works and how you experience the world.  Glimmers help to ease emotional distress, allowing you to think more logically and take constructive action.

So how do you invite more glimmers into your life?

• Look for them - It’s as simple as being intentional and looking out for them. By being present and open, you’ll start noticing the glimmers that are already happening all around you. 

• Savor them - Notice your emotions and bodily sensations as you experience the glimmer. It doesn’t take long – 20 seconds or less – to start to etch the positive experiences into your memory. Take this even further by sharing them with someone else, which creates a sense of connection.

• Collect them -  Keep track of your glimmers in a glimmer journal, reflect on them at bedtime, or make a photo album. My album includes pictures of homemade artisan bread, stunning sunrises, unique landscapes, cloud iridescence, rainbows, cherished memories with friends… even the snails that live in my front yard! Going through my glimmer photos always makes me smile.

What simple things bring you a glimmer of joy? Start noticing and see how it shifts your days.

Snails! (photo credit: Chris Robinson)

Why I Quit Worrying

I used to be a worrier. It kept me awake at night, with my mind racing and then spiraling. But I am lucky, because I decided many years ago to stop worrying.

I was in graduate school and experiencing the most stressful time in my life up to that point, with a full load of tough classes and a part-time job. There were lots of things to worry about. Around that time, I heard a line from the Bible where Jesus asked, “Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?”. And while it may not have been the main intention of the sermon, these words helped me see that worrying didn’t make any positive difference in whatever I was worried about, and in fact it made things worse for me by occupying my mind needlessly with angst. So I decided it was a waste of my time and energy and wasn’t going to do it anymore, and I have never looked back. I truly believe I have been able to enjoy more peace of mind for the past 20+ years because of this.

Why we worry

Worrying is a pretty normal thing for us humans to do. There are several reasons why we do it. For one, it may protect us from negative emotions like disappointment in the future if the bad thing actually happens, by dulling our emotional response. And it gives us a sense of control that is almost superstitious. The negative potential that we imagine usually has a low chance of happening, and so when we are able to avoid it, we think that our worrying actually helped. Or we think that worrying will help to motivate us to solve the problem by playing out all the potential negative outcomes in our heads. Some people see worrying as a positive personality trait that indicates caring and consideration for others.

Why worrying is harmful

There is some data that suggests the positive function of worry - it can be that little kick in the pants that motivates you to take action. But the problem is, when you spiral, it doesn’t actually serve the intended purpose; it makes you think excessively about negative events and get even more stressed out. I call it creating your own hell; you take a hypothetical event and give it valuable space and time in your mind, becoming detrimental to your mental and physical health. The emotional dulling can also limit our ability to respond to an actual traumatic event. And of course simply thinking a lot about something does not help to prevent it from happening. This is why worry is called a useless emotion. It robs you of being able to live in the present moment. We sometimes conflate worrying with problem solving. However, it’s not useful to just imagine everything that could possibly go wrong if you’re not also thinking of solutions.

How to stop worrying

When I decided that I wouldn’t waste my time worrying anymore, awareness was probably the biggest factor in being able to turn it off. I didn’t want to torture myself anymore, so I got better at noticing when the spiraling started. Once I could name what I was experiencing as worry, its grip on me loosened. It also helped to embrace uncertainty in life as inevitable. The truly traumatic things that have happened in my life were out of my control, and even if I could have avoided them, it sure wouldn’t be by lying in the dark and imagining how bad they could be! In some cases, you can turn worry into something more constructive by actively planning how to solve the problem. Or write down your thoughts instead of letting them spin aimlessly in your head.

Another helpful anti-worry tactic is active distraction through mindfulness practices like focused breathing or body scan meditation, which are also helpful in general for insomnia and anxiety. I always start as far away from my head as possible–usually with my pinky toe – to literally get out of my head. Other times, I find comfort in music. Maybe something sunny and light like Don’t Worry Be Happy by Bobby McFerrin is your cup of tea. I personally love Details in the Fabric by Jason Mraz with James Morrison, which is uplifting yet complicated, and the vocals are top notch.

If you are ready to stop torturing yourself, please give it a try! I do want to acknowledge that everyone is different, and if you suffer from anxiety disorder, you may need to seek help from a mental health professional.

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