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Yoga for Life: Inner Fire, Inner Wisdom
Last week I talked about pratyahara and aparigraha, or tuning out external distractions and letting go of what you do not need so that you can be more present and calm. But there’s more to it. Just a couple days after I wrote that post, I attended a yoga class where the teacher told a story about tapas (not the small dishes in Spanish cuisine), which is also included in Patanjali’s teachings as one of the niyamas, or inner observances or self-directed duties.
Last week I talked about pratyahara and aparigraha, or tuning out external distractions and letting go of what you do not need so that you can be more present and calm. But there’s more to it. Just a couple days after I wrote that post, I attended a yoga class where the teacher told a story about tapas (not the small dishes in Spanish cuisine), which is also included in Patanjali’s teachings as one of the niyamas, or inner observances or self-directed duties. Tapas has many meanings including self-discipline and austerity, and in the physical yoga practice, it is often referred to as inner fire. I’m most familiar with it in the context of a spicy yoga sequence that makes you sweat and your muscles burn.
That day, however, my teacher was referring to passion, or inner discipline and determination, and how cultivating your tapas helps you to be impervious to the external. This felt like a message from the universe that I was excited to explore further as it relates to pratyahara and aparigraha - when we tune out external distractions and let go of what doesn’t serve us, we’re able to focus inward and access our inner fire. And, not gonna lie, I was also relieved that the objective of that yoga class wasn’t just to work really hard, because I was sore and tired.
The story was about Hanuman, a Hindu god known in yogic tradition as monkey king. Hanumanasana, or yoga front splits, are named after Hanuman and inspired by a story where he leapt from India to Lanka. Hanuman is captured by bad guys who try to set his tail on fire. At that point, Hanuman accesses his inner fire, and as the demons around him burst into flames, he frees himself. Hearing this, my first reaction was, “Why didn’t he just use his inner fire in the first place?” But perhaps it was like a pilot light, waiting for a spark to ignite its flame.
What if we all have an inner flame that gets reduced to an ember or pilot light burning within us? When our minds are full of clutter from negative thoughts or distractions, it can be harder to notice or access this flame but as we clear away the clutter, we are able to see the flame and begin to stoke the flame and intensify our determination and passion. All it takes is being an observer of ourselves.
Self-observation also allows us to access our inner wisdom. When we feel stuck in a situation and don’t know what to do, we often turn to external sources for guidance. But if you think about it, who is the real expert on you? Who else has been with you for your entire life and knows all of your experiences and feelings that have made you who you are?
Unfortunately, it can be hard to hear our inner wisdom when there are louder voices in our head like fear, anger, wisdom, blame, and doubt. Any of those sound familiar? When we are able to let those negative emotions and thoughts go, the voice of inner wisdom suddenly gets louder and more clear.
If you’re like me, you may be skeptical. Sure, maybe other people have inner fire and wisdom, but are you sure that’s everyone? Even me? But I can tell you with confidence that it’s true. As a coach, I’ve witnessed this in dozens of clients firsthand. Once you are able to quiet or set aside whatever is holding you back for a moment, the wisdom starts to flow. As a human, I’ve also experienced this. Despite my own doubts, when I keep an open mind and give it a try, i’m surprised by the answers that come from within.
Let’s say you have a goal that you’ve set for yourself, but you are held back by fear of failure because you’re not sure if you are capable. The first thing to do is let that go, which admittedly is not an easy thing to do. Start by setting aside those feelings for just a moment, as if you could wave a magic wand and make them disappear, or that you are Hanuman, using your tapas to set them on fire. Then ask yourself what you would do if the fear did not exist. Or if that’s hard to imagine, what would a person who didn’t have that fear do?
I highly recommend doing your thinking outside of your brain, either by writing down your thoughts, or saying them outloud (it can help to have someone else who is not directly involved, like a coach or objective friend or family member). Don’t think too hard about it; just write or say whatever comes to mind. You might be surprised by what comes out. Then because these are your ideas, use the inspiration as a spark to your inner flame and start taking action!
Yoga for Life: Inner Peace and Calm
Yes, it’s Friday again, and this week’s topic is especially meaningful to me. When I say that yoga changed my life, it’s the lessons of letting go and tuning out external distractions that have created my sense of personal happiness, freedom, and peace. I also attribute these yoga principles to shaping my personal leadership style.
Yes, it’s Friday again, and this week’s topic is especially meaningful to me. When I say that yoga changed my life, it’s the lessons of letting go and tuning out external distractions that have created my sense of personal happiness, freedom, and peace. I also attribute these yoga principles to shaping my personal leadership style.
Pratyahara: Withdrawal of the senses
Several years ago, a yoga studio opened within walking distance of my home. This made it easy for me to attend classes, and I began practicing yoga on a regular basis. I already had a longstanding habit of working out first thing in the morning, so I started going to the studio a few days a week. One winter morning when it was still cold and dark outside, I remember lying on my yoga mat, resting in savasana (corpse pose). The peaceful feeling I had begun to cultivate was rudely interrupted by the sound of a truck slowly backing up behind the studio. Beep beep beep beep!
“Ugh,” I thought,”how annoying! Now savasana is ruined.” But my teacher had a different reaction, gently pointing out that it was an opportunity to practice pratyahara and tune out the external distractions. In that moment, I decided to give it a try, to not let the noise bother me, and I was able to be present again. This was a lightbulb moment in my yoga journey.
Pratyahara is one of the 8 limbs of Ashtanga Vinyasa yoga in Patanjali’s yoga sutras, or texts. It refers to the withdrawal of the senses from the external. Without getting too deeply into the spiritual concepts, pratyahara enables peace and calm from within, regardless of what is going on around you, by decreasing mental stimulation. The ability to do so comes in handy because there are a lot of things going on around us that are outside of our control, many of which can range from upsetting to downright devastating.
You can practice pratyahara by focusing on your breath, or on one sense at a time. I get gentle reminders to practice pratyahara to this day because both of the local yoga studios I attend are close to the train tracks and it’s not unusual to hear a train passing by, sometimes with the loud sound of the horn, at least once during a class. Maybe that’s more than coincidence.
Aparigraha: Non-attachment
I often associate pratyahara with another concept from Patanjali’s sutras, aparigraha, which is one of yamas, or moral guidelines of yoga. Aparigraha can be translated as non-attachment and non-greed, or simply letting go of what you do not need. It can refer to material possessions, but for today let’s focus on the non-tangible things.
Take anxiety, worries, or guilt, for example - when have these negative emotions ever served any purpose beyond making you miserable? Often we fixate so much on the outcome of our efforts that we miss out on being able to enjoy the experience and the journey. And then there’s the mental baggage that we lug around with us, beliefs about ourselves that are no longer true, comparison to others, or concern about what others think of us. Negative feelings can manifest in stress that is stored in your body as tension.
What thoughts, outcomes, and goals are you gripping so tightly onto that it’s to your own detriment? Let it go. Or to paraphrase Marie Kondoh, what are you holding on to that no longer sparks joy? Thank it for serving its purpose and then get rid of it.
While pratyahara is about not letting external factors disturb you, aparigraha sets you free from dependence on external things for your personal happiness and peace, boosting your self-reliance. Both are about finding peace and steadiness within yourself, and for me they complement each other.
Both pratyahara and aparigraha are useful for the practice of being present and impervious to what is going on around you. The ability to stay calm and cool is something we expect from leaders during a crisis or other difficult situation, and we’ve had a lot of those lately. So the more you can be present, the more you are able to have presence, and this inspires confidence and calm in others.
The physical practice of yoga can be a great means to experience inner peace and calm. Here are a few free yoga channels on YouTube that I recommend:
If you’re not interested in doing yoga, give meditation a try. I prefer the moving meditation of yoga, but do try to incorporate the occasional two-minute meditations, which are surprisingly effective. There are lots of great meditation apps like Insight Timer (free), and Headspace and Calm, which offer a free trial.
Yoga for Life: Start Where You Are
In addition to coaching and working my day job as program manager, I teach yoga. I enrolled in yoga teacher training back in 2012 because the practice of yoga had changed my life, and I wanted to create and share the experience and benefits of yoga with other people. Much of what I’ve learned from the physical practice of yoga and yoga philosophy has carried over into other parts of my life, especially when it comes to growth, development, and leadership, and I love to share lessons and insights I’ve gained from yoga.
I’m already behind on my goal to publish a blog post every Friday, but for a valid reason. This past Friday was not a normal day. My employer announced a mass layoff spanning 12,000 roles. I’ve been through layoffs before, but not of this magnitude. I spent what was supposed to be my day off trying to find out who was laid off, talking with peers who remain but are stunned and saddened by the unplanned departures of so many people who are like family to me. As I continue to see new posts today from the talented, brilliant, committed, and amazing people who were affected, I know it could have just as easily been me, which is sobering. This week’s post is dedicated to everyone who has been impacted by layoffs, whether directly or indirectly.
Even if you have no interest in yoga, I hope that you’ll be able to take something away that helps you in your life journey.
One of the first principles I learned in yoga teacher training was to Start Where You Are. It may sound like a no-brainer - where else can you start, right? But the idea is that there is no need to be anything, anywhere, or anyone else.
Observe Yourself
In order to start where you are, it helps to know where you are. I like to start teaching classes with a brief meditation, inviting students to observe themselves in three dimensions - physical, mental, and emotional. Observation is about turning your camera to selfie mode, assessing your current situation, and creating awareness, without making any judgments. Maybe you’re feeling a little tired or sore, or you’re distracted, or feeling a strong emotion. All of this can impact your yoga practice, but this doesn’t mean you should quit.
Observing yourself provides you with valuable information to help you determine how to make your yoga practice work for you. And it’s helpful not just at the beginning, but throughout your practice, as you see what starts to change in your mind and body as you move. Every body is different, from your natural flexibility to balance and strength and the shape and size of your torso and limbs. And it’s worth noting that even within the same body, every day is different, which is why taking a moment to observe yourself to see where you are in the moment can be valuable.
Bonus audio: 3 minute seated meditation to observe yourself
Work within your own ability
I’ve heard many people say they don’t do yoga because they’re not flexible. But one of the physical benefits of practicing yoga is that it helps you to build flexibility, so it’s great for inflexible people. If a yoga pose is not accessible, you can modify it. And sometimes there are other reasons why you might want to modify a pose, even if you can do it, because the modification provides you with more ease or allows you to feel it differently. Let’s take a standing forward fold as an example, where you are bending over and reaching your fingers toward the ground. In the full expression of a forward fold, your fingers reach the ground. However, that’s not always going to be the best way for you to do it. Maybe you feel strain on your lower back or your hamstrings, or it forces you to round your shoulders forward. In that case, you can bend your knees, or use a prop like a yoga block that effectively brings the ground closer to your hands so they have something to rest on.
Whether you are doing the full expression or a pose or modifying, you still are doing a forward fold, feeling the sensation of stretching, and getting the calming, stress-relieving benefits of the pose. And the more you practice, the more flexible you will become over time. In the end it doesn’t matter whether you actually reach your toes.
Sometimes the support comes from other people, not props. One of my favorite things about taking a live class is the opportunity to get assistance from an experienced teacher. At my local yoga studio, you are given a Yoga Flip Chip with “no assists” printed on one side and “assist” on the other so you can choose to opt-in if you like. An assist can be really helpful for a pose that might normally be too difficult or scary (e.g., a handstand).
Taking yoga off the mat
All of these principles apply when you are off the yoga mat and out in the world living your life. When you run into something new or challenging, it may feel overwhelming at first, but don’t let that discourage you or become an excuse not to do it. First, take some time to assess your current situation.
What capabilities do you already have, and what do you need to develop?
Can you make the task or situation accessible by modifying it a bit, or by getting support or assistance?
Just give it a try, without making it into a big deal. Try things you’ve never done before - you might surprise yourself with what you’re capable of. In the worst case, it doesn’t work but you have gotten value from the effort - it’s not just about the outcome.
Be playful! Have fun, embracing the adventure and experience.
What matters is that you’re taking action and having new experiences. Like most things in life, if you’re persistent and work hard, over time you will see progress.
Closing thoughts
The Paradox of Change from the field of Gestalt therapy says that change happens when people become more fully themselves, not by becoming something or someone they are not. The more you try to be something you’re not, the more you stay the same. By being present, observing yourself, and starting where you are, you’re creating the conditions to grow and develop organically and authentically, which increases the likelihood of the change being truly meaningful and sustainable.
Formula for Change: First Steps and Resistance
Last week, I shared the Formula for Change and talked about the first two variables, Dissatisfaction and Vision. Today, we’re going to get into the Doing part: taking the First concrete steps, and overcoming Resistance.
Last week, I shared the Formula for Change
and talked about the first two variables, Dissatisfaction and Vision. Today, we’re going to get into the Doing part: taking the First concrete steps, and overcoming Resistance.
First Steps
Taking the first step is often the hardest part. When you take a step, the important thing is that you are moving into another position. You need to change what you’re doing in order to create change. Just by doing something differently than you did before or trying something new, you gain perspective, more information, and maybe some feedback. You are stepping away from the old and toward the new. You are creating momentum, and you know more than you did before, whether you failed or succeeded. And maybe doing it the second time feels a little less daunting because you have survived and know what to expect.
The more you take risks, the more you increase your confidence. It might take a lot of steps, and there may be some setbacks, but in the long run you will make progress.
Resistance
In order for you to succeed in meeting your goals, you need to be able to overcome any resistance. There are a lot of things that can hold us back from taking action, and it depends on the individual. The good news is, working on the left side of the equation (Dissatisfaction, Vision, and First steps) is often the best way to address potential concerns about the change. It can also be really helpful to reflect ahead of time about the things that might hold you back. Here are a few of the most common obstacles:
Fear of failure - there are a few ways to change your perspective. One is to go down the path of failure and think about what you might do in a worst case scenario. Have a plan. Another way is to make your steps low-risk, so even if you do fail, it’s not a big deal. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and try again or try something a little different. You can also ask yourself, if you were not afraid to fail, what would be different?
You feel unqualified - This is normal. If you’re doing something new, you might need to become a learner again. That’s okay! You’ve done it before. If you’re reading these words right now, you learned how to read in English. That’s no small feat. What can you do to build the skill or capability that is missing today? Or, do what I often do and Fake It Till You Make It. A lot of times the best way to learn is by doing.
Inertia - We might want something to change, but we are still used to the way things are and find comfort in the familiar. Or sometimes, we’re just not motivated to get started. This is when it’s helpful to go back to your Vision and remind yourself why this is important to you. If there is something about your Vision that doesn’t feel quite right, figure out what it is and tweak it. What is it you really want and how are you going to get it?
Perfectionism - I predict this one resonates with many of you reading this. I’ll take action once I’m sure I’ve got all my ducks in a row. I think this is a close cousin of Control. As long as I do things just right, I can make sure everything goes the way I want it to. But guess what - things can still go wrong. If you want a change, doing something in an imperfect way is still better than inaction. At least now you’ve moved and not in the same spot as when you started. A method I find helpful to counter perfectionism when I’m creating is to timebox, or allocate a fixed amount of time to an activity. For example, I could easily spend another hour editing this blog post in the pursuit of perfection, but what use is it if it doesn’t get published? Instead, I allow myself a certain amount of time and then just put it out there.
Fear of criticism - What will my family say? What will my friends say? Well, criticism is a form of feedback, and feedback is just a reflection of what someone else believes. It’s not any more valid than your own beliefs. You know yourself better than anyone else. You may go out of your way to avoid criticism. But when you look back on your life, will you feel better about the criticism you avoided or what you did do? Keep your eyes on the prize.
You can find lots of great free articles about how to overcome all of the above obstacles once you identify where your resistance is coming from. And once you know have named your adversary, you’re already weakening its power over you.
So as you prepare to step into the Doing stage, ask yourself:
What is one action you can take to move toward your goals? If that goes well, what will you do next?
What might hold you back? How can you conquer that resistance?
At my first job after college, my boss gave everyone in the team a gift - a pack of sticky notes customized with the message “Just Do It”. This was back in the 90s when that was Nike’s slogan. This message became ingrained in my brain early on, so I’ll sign off with this:
Make your New Year’s Resolution stick with Beckhard’s Formula for Change
Happy New Year! Are you one of the millions of people worldwide who set New Year’s resolutions? I admit I’ve generally steered away from setting New Year’s resolutions, but only because I believe we should feel free to make changes at any time. 2022 was a particularly challenging year, so I like the idea of a fresh start in 2023 and have set some new goals for myself.
Happy New Year! Are you one of the millions of people worldwide who set New Year’s resolutions? I admit I’ve generally steered away from setting New Year’s resolutions, but only because I believe we should feel free to make changes at any time. 2022 was a particularly challenging year, so I like the idea of a fresh start in 2023 and have set some new goals for myself.
What about you? Did you do a Retrospective or Wheel exercise and identify some things you’d like to change? Unfortunately, studies show that the majority of people are not successful with New Year’s Resolutions. So, as you’re thinking about self-improvement, here are some considerations on how to increase your likelihood of success.
It’s based on the Formula for Change.
I first learned this concept in my coach training program as Beckhard’s Formula for Change, which comes from the field of organizational development. Through my extensive scholarly research (i.e., Google and Wikipedia) I learned that it was created by a scientist named David Gleicher in the 1960s and adapted to the version we know today by organizational design expert Kathie Dannemiller in the 1980s (see her in this video). Richard Beckhard used this formula in his book Organizational Transitions, and it started getting attributed incorrectly to him.
While it was created in the context of organizational change, this formula works quite well for changes in individuals too.
Did you happen to notice that the formula for change is a product, not sum, of the elements? My fellow math nerds (Quiz: Do you remember your grade school arithmetic lessons? You’re a nerd!) know that this indicates a multiplicative effect. If any of the elements are low, the product of the left hand side of the equation is low, making change less likely. And if any of the elements are missing, or zero, then the product is zero. Pause for a moment to think about that.
Now let’s break down the elements and how they apply if you want to make a change in your life. Let’s focus first on the first two variables, which are related to being - Dissatisfaction and Vision. This is about being present and mindful, before you take any action. Now if you know me, you are aware that I love Getting Things Done. But when the path to change is not easy or straightforward, investing just a little time in being can really strengthen your likelihood of success!
Dissatisfaction
Another way to look at Dissatisfaction, let’s say through a positive lens, is the desire for change. Ideally, this is coming from your core values. Something about the status quo is not okay and you want something better for yourself. This is an important part of initiation.
Let me be very clear that if you are perfectly satisfied and content with how things are in your life right now, you are fine! You don’t always need to be making changes. It’s normal and healthy to have phases in your life when things are going well. Enjoy having stability and predictability for a while. At some point in the future, that may change, but there’s nothing wrong with just being grateful for what you have and going with the flow.
However, if you have some areas of your life that are not where you want them to be, it can be helpful to consider why. What creates and strengthens the necessity of change? It might simply be a case of becoming aware of where you’re not satisfied. Perhaps you experienced an unexpected crisis, or conducted an intentional exercise that reveals this to you. Because most people don’t want to change things, you need a pretty compelling reason to be motivated to invest your time and energy into change.
What will change provide for you? What will it make possible? What else could change? If you’re not sure how to answer these questions, could this desire be coming from the outside, from what you hear from people in your life or society in general that you should do or want? Take a moment to make sure it’s something that actually meets your personal needs and is in line with your core values, whether directly or indirectly. Otherwise you’ll be less likely to succeed.
Vision
The second variable is Vision. Vision includes what you see as your end goal, and perhaps a little bit about your strategy for getting there. What do you want, and how are you going to get it? What will things look like in the future if you succeed on your change? And underlying all of this are your purpose, mission, and identity, as well as your core values. How can you make a hit if you don’t know what or where the goal is?
If you’re not sure, take some time to imagine yourself in the future, in your desired future state. What do you see? What are you feeling? Don’t worry about being right, just let the thoughts come to you, and write them down.
This is an area that I have personally struggled with in the past because I lacked confidence that I was coming up with the right vision. And yet, whenever I stumble upon old journals or worksheets where I’ve written down my vision of the future, it’s eerie how much of what’s there still resonates, and that often I have achieved many parts of my vision since I wrote it down!
I’d love to hear what you’re learning about yourself! And if any brave souls would like to share what their goals, dissatisfaction, or vision are, comment below! Feel free to hit me up with your questions and any suggestions for future topics you’d like me to cover.
Next week we’ll get into the action, the physics of change with First Steps and Resistance.
Self-Reflection: The Wheel
Today, I’ll discuss how you can use a Life Balance Wheel (aka the Wheel of Life), a tool commonly used in coaching, to assess how things are going in key areas of your life and where you might want to make some changes. Now, I haven’t been a big fan of setting New Year’s resolutions because I believe in continuous improvement, but I’ll admit that the beginning of the year is a nice time to wipe the slate clean and start some new habits.
That tells me that even though I sometimes felt like I was in the depths of despair due to things going on in my life and the world in general, and though I felt weary and beaten down by a never ending stream of More Bad News, I have so much to be thankful for. And since research links gratitude to well-being, I have a lot on my side in my pursuit of happiness.
Today, I’ll discuss how you can use a Life Balance Wheel (aka the Wheel of Life), a tool commonly used in coaching, to assess how things are going in key areas of your life and where you might want to make some changes. Now, I haven’t been a big fan of setting New Year’s resolutions because I believe in continuous improvement, but I’ll admit that the beginning of the year is a nice time to wipe the slate clean and start some new habits.
Maybe you aren’t sure where to start, but have a feeling that you want to change something. The Wheel can help you hone in on the areas of your life where you might not be totally satisfied and would like to be happier. If you haven’t already, I recommend that you do a retrospective first, since that tends to bring up things that are top of mind for you, before doing broader assessment using the Wheel.
Then label each pie piece of the circle with one of these categories
Health
Occupation
Learning
Money
Relationships
Family
Hobbies
But wait, you say. That’s only 7 categories! What about the 8th pie piece? This is your wild card, reserved for any other core area that is meaningful to you - spirituality, religion, service, giving, or something else unique to you.
Health
You can define this however you want so that it’s meaningful to you. Consider your physical health, and aspects of health that are important to you - for example, medical conditions, fitness or other activity, nutrition, sleep, hydration, etc. This could also include mental and emotional health - how well are you able to process information and think clearly, and make good decisions? How well do you cope with and manage your emotions?
Occupation
No matter what you do, everyone has an occupation. Perhaps it’s your career or job, paid or unpaid. Or you might be a student or trainee in school, university, or a training program. Or maybe you are a philanthropist, volunteer, or full-time parent. Are you doing what you want to be doing? If not, are you taking any steps toward what you want? If you are already doing it, how’s it going?
Learning
This is important for a sense of progress, and could also be called personal growth or self-development. Consider the level and quality of learning. And what are you learning? Keep in mind you can learn in a variety of ways - classes, training, videos, books, experiences, self-guided or with a teacher, etc. This could be related to your occupation or hobbies.
Money
This area is about more than just how much money you make or your net worth; it’s about your sense of prosperity in the world and in life. Can you afford the things you need in life to survive and thrive? Perhaps you are saving towards a major purchase or for retirement. Do you have debt that you are paying down, or accumulating more of? Do you set aside funds to Treat Yo Self?
Family
This could be your children, or your family of origin, or your partner or spouse. Are you able to spend enough quality time with your family? How is your home life? Are you keeping in touch with family who doesn’t live near you?
Relationships
Similar to family, this is about having friendships and intimacy in your life. Do you have people that you enjoy spending time with? When you want to share about your life and work, or discuss a problem you are having, who comes to mind? Who would you call if you needed help with something?
Hobbies
This can be anything you do for fun, leisure, or recreation. What do you like to do when you’re not working or taking care of other obligations? Some of my hobbies overlap with health because they include working out and yoga. I also enjoy cooking and baking, and consider that a hobby since I don’t do it every day.
Ask yourself similar questions about your wild card category. And if any of these areas are not important to you, feel free to omit them. This is about what matters to you.
After rating each area, graph your satisfaction, draw a line (or arc) in your pie piece where 1 is closest to the center and 10 is at the outline of the circle. If you like, you can shade in your pie piece. When you’re done, it will look something like this:
Now it’s time to reflect on your Wheel. Take a look at all the areas in your Wheel and consider that they are all part of a system, and they all contribute to your overall satisfaction, success, happiness, and well-being. What do you notice? Maybe you’re firing on all cylinders and everything is great. Or maybe you’re dissatisfied in a lot of areas, or there are a couple that really stand out to you. Is there an area in particular that, if you could improve it, would make everything else better? As you identify areas of low satisfaction, you might dive deeper into what part of it is problematic and what specifically you want to change.
You have the opportunity in the New Year to do some things differently. What will you resolve to change? Consider sharing this with a friend or family member to get their thoughts, and to help keep you accountable.
Stay tuned for my next post, where I’ll discuss the Formula for Change to help you increase your chances of success.
Self-Reflection: The Retrospective Method
As 2022 comes to a close, perhaps you’ll have some time off from work or school or whatever your usual occupation is. This is a great time to reflect back on your year.
I was talking with a coaching client the other day who mentioned that he does a yearly self-reflection exercise. This includes expressing gratitude and setting goals for the upcoming year. This reminds me of the retrospectives that are often conducted at the close of a project or major phase of a project. The goal is to look back and learn from what happened so you understand what you should keep doing and what you can improve in the future. This is usually done in a group, but you can do a retrospective just for and by yourself.
As 2022 comes to a close, perhaps you’ll have some time off from work or school or whatever your usual occupation is. This is a great time to reflect back on your year. There are a few different formats of retrospectives, but I’ll offer this simple version:
What went well?
What could have gone better?
What am I going to do about it?
What went well?
Around this time of year, it’s common for the media to issue various best-of lists with the most popular songs and movies or top events of the year. What were your best-of moments - the memories you look back on fondly, and the accomplishments you are most proud of? Don’t think too hard about it, just write down whatever comes to mind. Take a moment to feel gratitude for the good things in your life, and to celebrate your own achievements. This may not come naturally for everyone, but try to keep an open mind, give it a try, and see how it feels. Perhaps this also brings up some thoughts about what is working well that you want to keep doing.
Example: This year I completed a coaching training program called The Art and Science of Coaching at Erickson International. Thanks to the pandemic they began offering this program virtually, so I was able to take my classes from home. I completed over 128 hours of classroom training. I am grateful for the chance to meet classmates from all over the world and learn a ton of fascinating neuroscience-based methods. I am proud of my dedication to attending the class on Wednesday evenings, right in the middle of the work week, and often when the last thing I wanted to do was sit in front of a computer for three more hours!
I’m sharing a work example, but it can be about school, sports, taking care of your health, finances, travel, hobbies, relationships, or anything else that matters to you.
What didn’t go so well?
Unless you are extremely lucky, it’s likely that not everything went perfectly this year. What are some of the disappointments or failures you experienced? What regrets do you have? Again, don’t think too hard, just let the ideas flow. Sometimes, people don’t want to talk about negative things and prefer to focus on the positive. As an eternal optimist (okay, a realistic optimist), I get it. I prefer not to dwell on bad things, and this is just about acknowledging them and learning what we can from them in order to let them go.
First, allow yourself to feel the feelings of sadness, anger, frustration, annoyance, or whatever comes up for you. There’s no need to pretend you're fine with all of it. Just try to avoid blaming yourself, or turning this into guilt.
Then, take a slightly different perspective and consider what you might learn from what happened. What might you stop doing that didn’t work so well, or what new approach could you try?
Example: I took on a new role at work and faced a series of difficult situations. While many of these were out of my control and some problems existed before I took on the role, I went through periods of time where I felt like it was my fault and that I had failed on many levels. But I also learned some valuable new skills through my experiences, and also learned a lot about myself.
What am I going to do about it?
Looking at your answers to the first two questions, what are you becoming aware of? What does this make you want to do? This is a great time to set some goals or intentions for yourself in the coming year. In my next post, I’ll share another method of assessing how things are going in various aspects of your life that will also help you to identify what is already going well and where you may want to make changes.
That’s it! I hope you find this simple retrospective format helpful and thought-provoking. In between holiday celebrations and family gatherings, take some time for yourself in a quiet space to write down your answers in a journal. Or if you prefer to think aloud, you could share your answers with your partner, family, friend, or trusted advisor. And maybe you can even try doing a group retrospective with your family, friends, or organization.