It's Time for a Midyear Self-Reflection

Photo courtesy of Chris Robinson

I’m currently in the Algarve region of Portugal on a family vacation. It was an ordeal getting here because our connecting flight from Toronto to Lisbon was canceled, one of our bags was lost (thanks a lot, Air Canada), and the total trip from San Francisco took over 40 hours. But now that the bag has been delivered and we’ve had a few nights of decent sleep, I’ve been able to really relax and detach. I’ve also had jet lag, finding myself wide awake at 3 am a couple of times. This gave me the chance to engage in long conversations with my husband while the kids were asleep and do a lot of musing. So I thought it would be a fun exercise to do a midyear self-reflection as we approach the end of June.

This was inspired in part by the #IAmRemarkable movement and workshops that a couple of women at Google started back in 2016. If you have struggled with self-promotion and talking about your own accomplishments, I highly recommend this very powerful experience. It started in a women-only workshop (Stretch) for confidence-building and career development that I have facilitated many times, so I have personally witnessed the I Am Remarkable exercise over and over.

Before you start, try to find a quiet spot where you can do your self-reflection. You may want to write it down, or you could also do this together with a trusted friend, family member, mentor, or coach. 

Looking Back

Accomplishments

Think back on everything that you’ve done and experienced in the past six months, or whatever time period you choose. List out as many of your accomplishments, personal, or professional, that you can think of. They can be big or small, and all that matters is that they are significant to you. In the #IAmRemarkable workshops, each participant stands up and reads their entire list of accomplishments aloud, starting each sentence with the phrase, “I am remarkable because…” It’s very uncomfortable at first, but empowering. So you get extra credit if you share your accomplishments like this with at least one other person. Don’t worry about whether other people will think or fall into the comparison trap. This is about you expressing your achievements.  I'll share a couple of my own as examples; yours may be completely different in nature. 

I am remarkable because I completed all the requirements to get my coaching certification from ICF. I am remarkable because I got strong enough this year in my home workouts to do chest presses with 40 pound dumbbells and shoulder presses with 25 pound dumbbells. I am remarkable because I consistently published an article on this blog every week this year, and 27 total since I started at the end of 2022.

Resilience

Next, write down all the tough things you have endured or survived. It’s likely that the first half of your year hasn’t been all rosy. We all go through difficulties and it’s important to acknowledge the struggles in life because they helped make you who you are today. Again, it doesn’t matter if anyone else would find these things difficult.

My company laid off 12K employees in January, and it was a shock to find out that so many of my co-workers had been let go unceremoniously. We had a couple of family emergencies that were very stressful and I had to unexpectedly adapt my daily routine and schedule to the circumstances.

Other Noteworthy Stuff

To wrap up the retrospective part of your self-reflection, feel free to add anything else that happened such as significant events, something you are proud of that doesn’t fit the previous two categories, or new things that you tried or experienced.

I took a spent grain bread making class with my husband at a local brewery. I visited Portugal for the first time and tried lots of new foods like the ubiquitous Pastel de nata and drinks like Rose Port wine. 

Looking Ahead

Goals & Aspirations 

Now that you've had a chance to reflect on what's happened in the first half of the year, it’s time to set goals for what you want to do in the second half. These can be brand new, or a continuation of something you started earlier. Perhaps you revisit your Life Wheel for inspiration.

My yoga goal is to be able to get into forearm balance (pincha mayurasana) away from the wall. 

Changes & Pivots

What in your life would you like to change or do differently? This includes modifying any goals that you had previously set that may no longer serve their original purpose. In our goal-driven culture, we sometimes focus so hard on achieving our goals that we lose sight of why we wanted to do it in the first place. This fixation on attainment can overshadow the impact or end result that we really were originally going for. Sometimes as you work towards a goal you will gain some knowledge that puts this into question. It's important to pay attention to those things and periodically reassess whether it’s really the right goal. I tend to have high self-discipline, so I need to watch out for this.

I will be less rigid with myself about waking up super early and working out every morning so I can practice being lazy at times and get more sleep and recovery time. I realized on this vacation that since the beginning of the pandemic, getting up before the kids woke up was my way of coping with the stress from uncertainty, underlying fear, and the drastic changes to daily routines that we all faced. I rarely had a day when I didn’t do some kind of workout. Now that we are shifting to a different kind of normalcy, I can let go of that and focus on the ongoing health benefits without being so extreme.

Anticipating challenges

This is the "risk management" part of your reflection. What are some obvious things that could get in the way of your goals? What could you do to minimize the likelihood or impact of these obstacles? If they happen, how will you respond so you're not thrown completely off track? Don’t spend too much time on this as it could morph into excessive worrying. Because I know myself and have a pretty high tolerance for risk, I skipped this part.

So what came up for you? If you did this exercise and are feeling brave, share one of your accomplishments in the comments! 

The Power of Influence

Several years ago, I participated in a development program at work called Leadership, Influence, and Presence. As is often the case with training, I didn’t instantly become proficient in the skills we covered in the program, but it planted a seed for me that has germinated and grown over time. In my professional and leadership journey, I’ve come to appreciate the importance of influence when it comes to introducing your ideas, particularly those that could lead to significant change against the status quo or involve key decisions.

Some people dislike the politics that often seem to come with being in a more senior role or operating in certain environments. However, if you approach influence as building a relationship with someone, it doesn’t have to feel icky or like a power play.

What is influence?

Influence at its core is getting others to do what you ask, ideally not because they have to, but because they want to. It’s important to distinguish influence from manipulation, which involves forcing or coercion and often only benefits the manipulator without taking other parties’ best interests into account. Influence toward positive outcomes should not be unfair, controlling, deceptive, or otherwise harmful. It requires being authentic, sincere, and open to other perspectives.

Why is influence important?

Effective leaders create and communicate a vision that other people will get behind and follow. I’ve had lots of ideas that I think are great, including some that are innovative. However, unless I can bring them to fruition, they are just ideas. And for bigger ideas in particular, it usually requires effort that goes beyond what I can do alone based on my capacity or capability. So to succeed as a leader in a collaborative and cross-functional environment, you need to develop your influencing skills. 

How do I influence others?

Influence requires a combination of knowledge, authority, and relationships. You need to know what matters to the people or groups you are talking to: what they want, what they hope to avoid, and what is not important to them tells you about their values and priorities. With this knowledge, consider what benefits your idea has for them. It has to be something that they actually care about, so part of your job is painting a clear picture of how it will help them in some way or advance their agenda. 

You need to know your stuff to establish your authority and credibility. Think for a moment about social media influencers. They are able to gain followers and sway their audience because they have some knowledge, expertise, experience, or insight. Build your credibility when you make a commitment by consistently delivering what you say you will.

Finally, people are more likely to trust you when you have invested in fostering a relationship with them. Listen to what they have to say, ask questions to better understand what they have to say, and be willing to incorporate different perspectives in order to make your ideas even better.

Before you try to influence someone else, make sure you have a clear goal that you want to make happen and that you can articulate to others clearly. Start with the what - what is the problem you need to address, what is the desired state and proposed approach to get there, what decision or actions do you need from others? Perhaps even more important is the why - why do you need to solve this problem, why is this the right solution not just from your point of view but for your audience.

While you’re at it, consider adding a dash of inspiration to the mix. Inspire the feelings and emotions that prompt people to take action through your positive outlook, excitement, vision, and appreciation for others. Remember that influence is a process that happens over time. As with any developing skill, it helps to take a playful approach and try different tactics to see what feels the most authentic and yields the best results in each situation.

Related

• Simon Sinek - Start with Why - How Great Leaders Inspire Action Ted Talk

What are the Traits of a Leader?

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” 

--Maya Angelou

Last month, I wrote about what it means to be a leader, or the how of leadership. Today, I will explore the key attributes of leaders, or what it takes to be a good leader - someone that gets noticed and inspires others to follow them. We’ll look at it from three perspectives - key competencies of leaders, leadership presence, and signals of leadership potential.

Leadership competencies

Let’s start with a quick thought exercise. Think of a leader that you admire. It can be someone you know personally and have interacted with, or a public or historical figure. Now as you think of this leader, consider what traits you admire in this leader. If you want, you can write them down.

The following are some common competencies that people look for in a leader

• Takes initiative

• Practices self development

• Displays high integrity and honesty

• Drives for results

• Develops others

• Inspires and motivates others

• Stays calm & confident

• Is self-aware

• Builds relationships

• Collaborates

• Sets ambitious goals

• Champions change

• Solves problems and analyzes issues

• Makes tough decisions

• Has expertise

Keep in mind that this is not meant to be a checklist. You can be a good leader even if not all of these are your strengths. Think of this list as a reference to evaluate your leadership skills - where do you already excel and what skills might be good to focus on developing?

Leadership presence

Leadership presence, also sometimes referred to as executive presence, refers to the qualities that make people pay attention to you and want to hear what you have to say. It’s the difference between being competent in your field and getting noticed for it. It inspires others to follow you. According to Sylvia Ann Hewitt, author, economist, and founder of Center for Talent innovation (now called Coqual), leadership presence comes from the combination of how you act, how you speak, and how you look. 

Gravitas, or how you act, is conveyed through exuding confidence and grace under fire, being decisive and acting with integrity, demonstrating emotional intelligence, maintaining a good reputation, and projecting vision. This is the most important factor in leadership presence. Next is communication, or how you speak, as demonstrated through speaking skills, ability to command a room, and ability to read an audience. Last and least important is appearance, or how you look - good grooming and physical attractiveness. The point is not to make your appearance a distraction that overshadows your capabilities.

CTI/Coqual’s research indicates that while leadership presence alone is not enough to get you a leadership position or role, missing it may be an impediment. What it looks like in practice will vary depending on the culture you are part of, both corporate and societal. The study also found that women and people of color may find themselves held to a higher standard or struggle with conforming to corporate culture while maintaining authenticity. I will caveat that the study was done in 2012, so some aspects may be outdated in 2023. What I take away from the study is that you can influence how others see you through things like confident body language and communication (projecting competence and confidence), emotional intelligence (ability to read the room), staying calm in a crisis, and being decisive.

Leadership potential

If you aren’t currently in a leadership role, how can you get recognized for your potential? Here are some key signals to identify future leaders, according to research by Korn Ferry, an organizational consulting firm: 

• Learning agility, or growth mindset - the ability to learn from experience and apply the learnings to unfamiliar situations.

• Diverse leadership experiences, including developmental roles and stretch assignments that are challenging and help to develop perspective to be able to handle ambiguity, broad scope, and high visibility.

• Aspiration drivers - motivation to make a difference, gain greater responsibility, and work with others toward shared goals.

• Leadership trails - resilience and persistence in challenging situations, comfort with handling ambiguous/vague information, comfort in taking initiative, and inclusive style when working with others

• Managed Derailment Risks - awareness of and ability to manage undermining risks such as micro-managing, being highly reactive, or being rigid in approaches to work.

As you can see, there are several commonalities when you look across leadership competencies, components of executive presence, and signals of leadership potential. If you aspire to earn a leadership role, consider where you could further develop your skills and presence. If you are already a leader, how could you become even more effective in service of your team?

What's in a Name? The meaning of "Yes, it's Friday"

To my surprise, I've never been asked about the meaning of my website name, Yes, it’s Friday. I have no idea if that’s because it seems obvious (in which case I am curious what people think it means), it’s embarrassing to ask, or no one cares. In any case, here’s what it’s all about. During a stressful period in my life, I started asking my husband in the evenings, "is it Friday yet?" and he always answered, “Yes!” This became a joke between us, but more than that, it was a mentality in the evenings to act like it was Friday night

Now let me just preface this by saying we are middle-aged suburban parents, so wild and crazy Friday nights are a thing of the past. Once upon a time, Friday night usually meant going to happy hour with a group of friends and co-workers, or dancing the night away. Nowadays it looks more like going out for dinner. But more importantly, it represents being done with work and school, a time to breathe a sigh of relief and look forward to the weekend ahead. 

The Friday state of mind is finding your oasis in the midst of whatever you're dealing with in your life. Adulting is hard enough already in our modern world, and add to that work stress, violence in the world, political conflict, medical issues, global pandemics, natural disasters, climate change, family drama, people being unkind or cruel to each other in various ways - it's a lot to cope with! So if you can find little ways to savor life and connect with other humans on a regular basis, it helps to balance things out. 

I endeavor to fit Friday into every day while maintaining a fairly healthy lifestyle, so we do things in moderation. For example, we go on mini dates almost every day by taking a walk after dinner. This is a time to hold hands like kids, debrief on what happened that day, solve problems or make plans, and sometimes just admire the scenery and shoot the breeze. When we come home there's usually some kind of treat that is slightly decadent but small. These days we're forgoing alcohol during the week so we keep a stock of non-alcoholic beer and cocktails on hand. Maybe there's some music and dancing in the bathroom when we brush our teeth. You get the idea. Tame but slightly indulgent. Everyday moments of self care and letting loose. 

There is also a significance to Friday related to my personal identity. The Korean word for Friday is 금요일 (geum-yo-il). Geum means gold, which of course is a valued precious metal, and yo-il means day of week. The Chinese character (or hanja in Korean, similar to Japanese kanji) for geum (金) is also used to represent the surname 김 (Kim). So it's also related to my last name, which I share with 10 million others in South Korea alone. 

The spirit of Yes, it’s Friday is about finding joy and respite in everyday moments. For me that means celebration, pleasure, indulgence, recreation, connection. So that's the story behind the name. Was that what you expected? How do you or could you start to incorporate fun and relaxation in every day like it's always Friday? 

Why I Quit Worrying

I used to be a worrier. It kept me awake at night, with my mind racing and then spiraling. But I am lucky, because I decided many years ago to stop worrying.

I was in graduate school and experiencing the most stressful time in my life up to that point, with a full load of tough classes and a part-time job. There were lots of things to worry about. Around that time, I heard a line from the Bible where Jesus asked, “Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?”. And while it may not have been the main intention of the sermon, these words helped me see that worrying didn’t make any positive difference in whatever I was worried about, and in fact it made things worse for me by occupying my mind needlessly with angst. So I decided it was a waste of my time and energy and wasn’t going to do it anymore, and I have never looked back. I truly believe I have been able to enjoy more peace of mind for the past 20+ years because of this.

Why we worry

Worrying is a pretty normal thing for us humans to do. There are several reasons why we do it. For one, it may protect us from negative emotions like disappointment in the future if the bad thing actually happens, by dulling our emotional response. And it gives us a sense of control that is almost superstitious. The negative potential that we imagine usually has a low chance of happening, and so when we are able to avoid it, we think that our worrying actually helped. Or we think that worrying will help to motivate us to solve the problem by playing out all the potential negative outcomes in our heads. Some people see worrying as a positive personality trait that indicates caring and consideration for others.

Why worrying is harmful

There is some data that suggests the positive function of worry - it can be that little kick in the pants that motivates you to take action. But the problem is, when you spiral, it doesn’t actually serve the intended purpose; it makes you think excessively about negative events and get even more stressed out. I call it creating your own hell; you take a hypothetical event and give it valuable space and time in your mind, becoming detrimental to your mental and physical health. The emotional dulling can also limit our ability to respond to an actual traumatic event. And of course simply thinking a lot about something does not help to prevent it from happening. This is why worry is called a useless emotion. It robs you of being able to live in the present moment. We sometimes conflate worrying with problem solving. However, it’s not useful to just imagine everything that could possibly go wrong if you’re not also thinking of solutions.

How to stop worrying

When I decided that I wouldn’t waste my time worrying anymore, awareness was probably the biggest factor in being able to turn it off. I didn’t want to torture myself anymore, so I got better at noticing when the spiraling started. Once I could name what I was experiencing as worry, its grip on me loosened. It also helped to embrace uncertainty in life as inevitable. The truly traumatic things that have happened in my life were out of my control, and even if I could have avoided them, it sure wouldn’t be by lying in the dark and imagining how bad they could be! In some cases, you can turn worry into something more constructive by actively planning how to solve the problem. Or write down your thoughts instead of letting them spin aimlessly in your head.

Another helpful anti-worry tactic is active distraction through mindfulness practices like focused breathing or body scan meditation, which are also helpful in general for insomnia and anxiety. I always start as far away from my head as possible–usually with my pinky toe – to literally get out of my head. Other times, I find comfort in music. Maybe something sunny and light like Don’t Worry Be Happy by Bobby McFerrin is your cup of tea. I personally love Details in the Fabric by Jason Mraz with James Morrison, which is uplifting yet complicated, and the vocals are top notch.

If you are ready to stop torturing yourself, please give it a try! I do want to acknowledge that everyone is different, and if you suffer from anxiety disorder, you may need to seek help from a mental health professional.

Related

• Get out of your mind

Core Values: What They Are and Why They Matter

For many years, I felt like I was missing something because I didn’t have very clear and specific goals for my life and career. In other words, I didn’t know what I wanted to do and be when I grew up (and I still don’t)! It seemed like everyone else knew where they were heading.  I hoped that I could take a quiz and figure out what my ideal profession would be, but that never happened. Instead it seemed like I found most of my jobs by chance, accepted them based on intuition (“Sure, that sounds good!”), and learned through experience what I liked and was good at, as well as the skills and responsibilities I didn’t particularly enjoy or excel in. 

Then a few years ago, I did a reflection exercise to identify my core values, and suddenly I was able to put into words what I’m all about and what matters to me. This turned out to be much more useful than having a job title or level of achievement as a goal. And when it came to making important decisions, like whether to pursue a new job, I was able to assess whether a new opportunity would make me happy by measuring it against my core values.

What Core Values are (and are not)

Core values reflect what you believe as an individual and influence how you do things - they reflect what makes you unique, your essence. Your core values are usually pretty stable over time and in different contexts, though it is possible for them to change over time, especially which are top priority. Your values can be represented by a single word or a phrase, and they do not carry a value judgment - all are valid. It’s also okay to have seemingly contradictory values like adventure and security at the same time.

It’s worth noting that your core values are not the same as societal values or morals that you have been taught, or about what you “should” do; of course, those may influence your personal values, but when you spend time in another environment for a significant amount of time, you realize that they were not really your values. Likewise, values are not the same as beliefs, which tend to be interpretations in your head of past experiences and can be both positive and negative. Values are generally experienced as positive, and in your heart.

Why is it important to know what my Core Values are?

Most people don’t have  a deep connection to their values, or talk about them with others. Being aware of your core values is helpful when you need to make an important decision or let other people know what you’re all about. They come into play for everyday choices and actions, usually unconsciously, but when you know what principles are most important to you, you can make decisions more easily and are more likely to be satisfied. Most people make a list of pros and cons when they have to choose among options, and evaluating these against your core values helps you to determine what will be best for you. I often feel a sense of immediate peace and relief when I’ve reached a decision that is in line with my values - it just feels right.

They are also a helpful tool for expressing yourself. Your authentic presence, or state of being, requires knowing and behaving in alignment with your values - what you stand for and what people can expect from you. When you have words or phrases to describe your core values, you have powerful language to convey what you are passionate about.

And when you are feeling unhappy or dissatisfied about some aspect of your life, it’s often because one of your core values are being neglected or violated, so knowing what they are can help you pinpoint where you may need to make changes.

How do I identify my Core Values?

Here’s a simple and quick way to identify your core values by picking from a list of common values (printable worksheet). Write down 5 to 8 that have the greatest influence on how you do things and how you interact with others. Feel free to add any other values that are of high importance to you but missing from the list. 

Then use these questions to help you narrow this list to your top 3 values:

• If you woke up tomorrow morning with enough money to never have to work another day in your life, would you continue to live these values?

• Would you want to hold these values, even if they became a disadvantage or you could be penalized for them?

• Do your friends, family, and peers know what you value? How do they know?

• Are there any gaps between what you say you value and what you do (how you act)?  If so, how do you account for this gap?  When does it occur?

Five years ago, I did a combination of journaling and drawing a mind map to identify my top values using exercises from a book called Pivot: The Only Move That Matters Is Your Next One by Jenny Blake. I chose to use phrases instead of single words, as I had combined a few related concepts into themes. These key themes still ring true for me and have served as a guiding light in my life:

• Journey of adventure and growth (risk-taking, variety) - I am not afraid of taking risks; in fact I enjoy it and joke that I like living on the edge. I need to continue to challenge myself in new ways, push limits, expand past my comfort zone, try the impossible, get stronger and more resilient, and experience new things. I’m a variety junkie!

• Balanced well-being and playfulness (humor) - I want to enjoy life, be healthy and present, work my mind, body and soul (and give them rest), nourish my senses, create, be light and laugh, radiate positive energy, and reduce suffering and angst in myself and the world.

• Changing the world in small and big ways (meaning and connection) - I want to make the world better by being generous with my time, resources, and talents when others need help. I value being able to connect with other people through one-to-one relationships, listening, and advice, and in groups through teaching, training, and facilitation. It’s even better when I can use scalable platforms to make broad and lasting improvements to people’s lives.

And now you know a little more about what makes me tick. With these values as a reference, I am able to confidently make choices that might go against the grain but are right for me. With each move, I come closer to becoming more me.

What Does It Mean To Be A Leader?

In my professional journey, there have been a few instances when I received feedback that I needed to step up my leadership. But I wasn’t exactly sure what my managers meant by that – what were the leader-like things I was expected to do? So I embarked on a quest to learn what it means to be a leader. Fortuitously, I heard about a talk at work* by Herminia Ibarra, Professor of Organizational Behavior (or “Organisational Behaviour” as they say across the pond) at London Business School, who previously taught at INSEAD and Harvard Business School. The topic was making the leadership transition, and she introduced her new book, Act Like a Leader, Think Like a Leader. 

I enjoyed the talk, so I bought the book. I remember taking notes on various ideas that resonated and was inspired to give them a try. Years later, I revisited the book and could see how I had adopted many of the practices suggested in the book with positive results. As a result, I find myself recommending this book to mentees and coaching clients with my own personal testimony. 

The premise of the book is that in today’s fast-paced and complex business environment, the most successful leaders are the ones who are willing to challenge their assumptions, experiment with new behaviors, and constantly evolve their leadership style. When you take on a new role as a leader, it’s important to start by rethinking who you are and what you are there to do. The way to change is by behaving differently, which has the effect of changing the way you think as you interpret that behavior. Instead of waiting until you have all the right answers, the best way to develop leadership skills is to just do it and act like a leader.

Ibarra also discusses the importance of outsight (external knowledge, new experiences, taking action) over insight (internal knowledge, past experience, and thinking); in other words, getting out of your head! When you are stepping up, what matters more than specialty expertise are soft skills and business acumen. Specifically, you need to make 3 big shifts: redefine your job, network across and out, be more playful with yourself.  

Redefine your job

Consider how you spend your time - you should be spending less time doing and more time on strategic planning and architecting. Instead of being an internally-focused hub where you’re at the center of things in your team, make yourself an externally-focused bridge that connects your team to the rest of the organization. What people want most from leaders is vision, direction, and strategic foresight, which you don’t get from just sitting around and thinking strategic thoughts. You need to get out in the world, become attuned to the environment, get involved in projects outside of your main area or organization, delegate more routine work, and develop talent.

As an International Relations major, I likened the external focus and bridge role to being like an ambassador for my team. I created more space for outsight by delegating things that didn’t need to be done by me, which has the added benefit of creating opportunities for others. I also took on the role of evangelist, telling the world about the important work my teams were doing, while also keeping an eye open for opportunities to share best practices and lessons or collaborate with other teams.

Network across and out

It’s human nature to form closer bonds with people who are similar to us and that we run into more frequently. In order to build the broad and diverse networks that differentiate leaders from managers, however, you need to be strategic and intentional with your relationships. Many people cringe at the mention of networking, and I’m no exception. As an introvert, I used to find the idea of it daunting. It’s tempting to deprioritize networking because the ROI can be ambiguous and take a long time to realize. But expanded networks are critical if you want to take a big picture view and see what is possible; they help you to understand what’s going on, connect the dots, find talent or career opportunities, and avoid the dreaded “groupthink” of internal-only focus. Keep in mind the BCDs of network advantage - breadth, connectivity, and dynamics. Start choosing your assignments strategically, join or create communities and activities of interest, and remember to network both up and down, empowering those below you.

After trying this out for myself, I can honestly say I have come to enjoy networking, especially the unexpected discoveries that come with outsight. I keep in touch with former co-workers who are now in different organizations. I contribute to my communities through interviewing and hiring committees, working groups, manager development programs, mentoring, coaching, leading ERGs, and even teaching yoga classes. All of these activities have make it possible to create new connections, and I’ve experienced the strength of “weak ties” or distant contacts for finding jobs and other opportunities. For example, I was a facilitator for a one-day professional development course at work several years ago. During the lunch break, I resisted my introvert tendency and sat with one of the participants. I casually mentioned that I was looking for a new role, and she said her team was hiring. She made a couple of introductions and I ended up finding my next job.

Be more playful with yourself

This is about expanding who you are. When you’re experiencing a transition to leadership, you may worry you may come off as inauthentic if you change the way that you show up, but there is a difference between being authentic and being rigid, where your sense of who you are is set in stone. As an example, when we get critical feedback and even when we’re aware of the negative impact we may be having, we often resist change, making excuses like, “That’s just who I am” or “It’s a small price to pay for my great results”. Or we worry that people will judge us for acting differently than we did before. But being playful means experimenting outside of your comfort zone, trying on new behaviors until you figure out what is right for you. Look for role models or simply traits that you admire in others. As you try new things, drop what doesn’t feel right, and integrate what does.

This is probably my favorite takeaway from the book. I worried that I might come across as inauthentic, but by gradually introducing small changes, I was really just growing and developing to get closer to my future self. And by approaching this with a playful mindset, I was able to cut myself some slack when things didn’t go perfectly, for the sake of learning.

Acting like a leader requires stepping outside of your comfort zone and taking on responsibilities that may stray outside the lines of your current job description. The new experiences and perspectives you gain will in turn transform the way that you think. If you like the ideas here and would like to delve deeper, I highly recommend reading the book, identifying a few things to try, ideally with the support of a coach or mentor.

* If you’re a Google employee, the video recording of the Herminia Ibarra’s talk is still available and so worth the time to watch!

Yoga for a Fearless Heart

Have you ever longed for something that you were afraid to tell anyone else about? Maybe you worried that they’d laugh or be angry with you. Or perhaps you were afraid to even acknowledge what you really want to yourself. Whether it’s fear of failure or success or another source of resistance, chances are you either missed out completely or precious time passed before you could get it. If you want to live your life to its fullest and satisfy your heart’s desire, you need to be able to set aside the fear so you can take action. 

This week’s yoga inspiration comes from Durga, a powerful and fearless warrior goddess also known as Shakti or Devi, who embodies pure feminine force. She was created by the gods Shiva, Vishnu, and Brahma when they could not defeat the buffalo demon Mahishasura. More powerful than all three of them, Durga is invincible. She is typically represented with 8 arms and 3 eyes and rides a lion. Each of her arms carries a weapon possessing special powers given to her by the gods. Her eyes symbolize desire, action, and knowledge. Plus she has an unfailing sense of humor - that’s my kind of goddess! 

What is one thing that you really want but have never told anyone else? Who might you be able to tell? What might become possible if you put it out there into the universe? What small step could you take to get you closer to what you want? When you find yourself holding back due to apprehension, here are a few yoga practices you can use to call upon Durga’s fearless and invincible spirit.

Abhaya Hridaya (Fearless Heart) mudra

Also known as flaming heart mudra, this one of my favorites mudras for its intricate shape that resembles a flaming heart. It activates the energy point associated with the heart, Anahata chakra. Anahata means unhurt, unstruck, and unbeaten, and this chakra is the center of love and compassion for ourselves. This mudra cultivates fearlessness to connect to your heart and truth and helps to calm scattered energy.

It’s a little tricky the first time you do it, but once you get the hang of it, everything just falls into place.

To practice abhaya hridaya mudra, start with prayer hands (anjali mudra) in front of your heart with palms together. Bring your right wrist on top of your left with the backs of the hands together. Hook your pinky fingers around each other, and do the same with your middle fingers and index fingers. Bend your ring fingers to touch the fingertips to the tips of your thumbs on each hand. Hold this shape in front of your heart for a few deep breaths or as much as several minutes. You may wish to practice this while chanting a mantra, such as 

Om Dum Durgaye Namaha (ohm doom door-ga-YAY na-ma-HA)

This chant asks Durga to protect us from harm, both internal negativity and outside forces.

Poses for Opening your Heart: Sphinx and Camel 

Another way to activate anahata chakra is through heart openers. A gentle heart opening backbend that almost anyone can do is sphinx post (salamba bhujangasana). Lie on your belly with your arms out in front of you and the toes pointed back. Lift the chest slightly and bend your elbows so they are directly below the shoulders, with forearms parallel and palms facing down. Gently press down into the forearms and draw the shoulders back to lift the heart up and forward. Lengthen your neck and keep your chin parallel to the ground.

If you’re not brand-new to yoga, you might try a deeper backbend like cobra, upward facing dog, or Camel (ustrasana). Start in a kneeling position on a mat or folded blanket with your knees hip width apart and toes tucked under. Place your hands on your hips and gently push your hips forward so they are directly above the knees. Inhale and lift your ribcage up and away from your hips, and then on your exhale, curl your upper spine into a backbend.

Yoga to Overcome Obstacles

Hi everyone! This week we’re continuing our series on the benefits of yoga with the story of Ganesha, the beloved and powerful elephant-headed Hindu god known as the conqueror of obstacles. After discussing Ganesha’s mythological origin and attributes, I’ll share three different yoga practices to call on Ganesha for inspiration and courage to help you when you’re facing your own obstacles. 

Ganesha’s Origin Story

Ganesha, also known as Ganesh or Ganapati, is the son of Parvati, wife of the powerful god Shiva. Shiva was often away for long periods of time, and Parvati got lonely, so she created Ganesha out of clay (or turmeric paste in some versions of the story) to keep her company. Shiva eventually returned home, and Parvati happened to be in the bath when he tried to enter the house. This was back in the day before we had phones or texting, so Shiva was not aware of his son. Young Ganesha, who was standing guard while his mother was bathing, did not recognize Shiva as his father. The two of them fought, and while Ganesha put up a fierce fight, Shiva eventually defeated him by cutting his head off.

Needless to say, when she discovered what had happened, Parvati was heartbroken and informed Shiva that Ganesha was his son. To make up for what he had done, Shiva went into the forest, returned with an elephant head, and affixed it on the body of Ganesha, bringing him back to life and declaring him the most powerful of all gods, Lord of the ganas (all beings).

Ganesha’s Attributes

In addition to having an elephant head on a human body, Ganesha is often represented with four arms. One of his hands holds an axe to cut down the tree of ignorance, another holds a rope to climb the tree of knowledge, one is held up with the palm facing out (abhaya mudra, the gesture of fearlessness), and the fourth holds a lotus. Ganesha also has small eyes to represent focus, large ears to listen carefully, and a big pot belly that symbolizes his ability to digest troubles with calmness (pratyahara).

Ganesha can be called upon to remove self-imposed obstacles by dispelling predisposed beliefs, like negative self-talk and feelings of self-doubt. He is also the patron deity of writing and scholarship, and can help to put your mind at ease and inspire creativity. Also known as the lord of new beginnings, Ganesha helps you to overcome fears.

Yoga Practice with Ganesha

Ganesha Mantra

A mantra is a sound, word, or phrase used to direct energy or keep the mind focused. A simple version of the Ganesha mantra is

Om gam ganapataye namaha  (ohm gahm gah-nah-pah-tah-YAY na-ma-HA).

Repeat this mantra several times.

• Related: Listen to Ganesha Sharanam by Jai Uttal and (kind of cool, kind of corny) Ganesh is Fresh by MC Yogi

Ganesha Mudra

Mudra means seal, and in the context of yoga, a mudra is a symbolic shape made with the hands and fingers and used to channel energy, or prana.

Practice Ganesha mudra to lift your spirits and help you to overcome your obstacles: Hold your hands in front of your heart, palms touching in prayer position (anjali mudra). Rotate the hands so the left palm faces forward and the right palm faces toward you, elbows out to the sides. Curl the fingers of both hands and slide the elbows out so the fingers are locked together, and energetically pull the hands apart. Hold this for a few deep breaths with your eyes closed, relaxing slightly on the exhales and pulling on the inhales. Switch sides and repeat. You can also perform Ganesha mudra while chanting the Ganesha mantra.

Asana: Warrior 2 (Virabhadrasana B)

Ganesha is associated with the root chakra (muladhara) and square symbol. In the physical practice of yoga, or asana, you can embody Ganesha with powerful poses like Warrior II.

Start by standing in a wide stance with your feet 3-4 feet apart. Turn your left toes to the left and bend the knee in the same direction. Raise your arms to a T shape. Gaze past the fingers of your left hand, as if to take aim at a target with laser focus. Take 3-5 deep breaths in this position. On an inhale, straighten your left leg, turn the toes inward and rotate the right toes to the right. Bend the right knee as you exhale and gaze past your right fingertips. Hold for 3-5 breaths.

While Ganesha is an important deity in Hinduism, this yoga practice is not meant to be religious. I don’t see these mudra, mantras, or asana as holding magical powers, but rather, are symbolic of the wisdom, intuition, creativity, fearlessness, power, and pratyahara embodied by Ganesha. Calling on Ganesha in yoga practice can be a helpful tool to shift your energy and mindset so that you can remove obstacles and maintain focus to achieve your goals.

Yoga for Managing Anxiety

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I wrote a series of posts earlier this year about applying yoga philosophy to life, and I’m excited to start a new series about incorporating the physical yoga practice (Asana) and breathing exercises (Pranayama) for mental, emotional, and physical benefits. You may have already heard that yoga is helpful for reducing anxiety and stress. I learned in my yoga teacher training that balance poses are useful in particular for managing anxiety, and as a result I try to include them whenever I teach. Anxiety is a common mental health condition that affects millions of people, and events like the COVID-19 pandemic have had a significant impact on anxiety levels worldwide. In this post, I’ll share specific examples of my favorite poses and exercises to alleviate anxiety, with both audio and written guidance. 

How it Works

Part of the benefit of yoga is mental - putting your body into the shape of a pose and holding it directs your attention to your body, getting you out of your head. Balance poses in particular are helpful for managing anxiety because they improve your concentration and focus and make you feel more grounded. 

In addition, yoga can have physiological benefits through stimulating the vagus, a pair of cranial nerves that regulate internal organ functions and pass through key organs like the heart, lungs, and liver. These are the main component of the parasympathetic nervous system (PNS), which helps the body enter a state of relaxation and recovery. The PNS works in opposition to the sympathetic nervous system, which causes stress or anxiety, or the fight-or-flight response. So when you stimulate or tone the vagus, it has a regulating effect on your body and mind and manages anxiety. Certain yoga poses like inversions, where the feet are higher than the heart, and breathing exercises are believed to stimulate the vagus nerve.

Practice

Here are a few examples of yoga poses and exercises for you to try for yourself.

Balance Pose: Meditative Tree

A popular balancing pose that can easily be modified to all levels is Tree pose (Vrksasana, pronounced “vrik-SHA-sana”). 

Start by standing tall with your weight evenly balanced between your feet (hip distance apart), palms together in front of your heart with shoulders relaxed. Stay here for a moment and try closing your eyes. This might already be enough of a balance challenge for you, and if so, you can stay here, Mountain pose (Tadasana).

If you’re ready to try tree pose, start to shift your weight into your left foot and come on to the ball of your right foot, bringing the right heel to the inside of your left ankle with the knee angled outward. Keep the right big toe on the ground to help you balance. Try looking upward and notice how this affects your balance. If it feels okay, try closing your eyes. Take 5-10 deep breaths, then open your eyes again and repeat on the other side.

If you’re familiar with traditional Tree pose, you can do that instead or in addition to Meditative Tree for the same benefits.

Inversions: Legs up the Wall

While the most commonly known inversions in yoga are probably headstand and shoulder stand, Legs Up the Wall (Viparita Karani) is a gentler inversion that is more accessible. In addition to helping with anxiety, it can help with leg swelling and improve circulation. 

If you have a wall space available, you may want to place a yoga mat or blanket on the floor by the wall for padding. Start by lying on one side with your knees bent and move your hips toward the wall until your seat touches. Rotate your body 90 degrees with your legs straight so they are stacked directly above your hips and your back is flat on the ground. You can rest your hands on your belly, or hold them out to the side by the hips with palms facing up. Stay here for a few minutes (or up to 20 minutes), closing your eyes if you’re comfortable. To come out of the pose, gently roll to one side and lower your legs. Take your time as you slowly come up to a seated position. 

You can also do this pose without a wall. I find it easier to hold with hips slightly elevated. Lie on your back with a yoga mat or blanket underneath for comfort. Place a folded blanket, small cushion, or yoga block underneath your sacrum, the flat bone between your low back and hips, and raise your legs into the air so the feet are directly above the hips. If you need to keep a bend in your knees, that’s fine. Hold anywhere from 2-3 minutes up to 20 minutes.

Breathing Exercises: Alternate Nostril Breathing

Slow and deep breathing can have a calming effect on the mind. One of my favorite yoga breathing (pranayama) techniques is Alternate Nostril Breathing (Nadi Shodana), which also takes some concentration. 

Sit tall in a comfortable seated position with your hands resting on top of your thighs (I like to sit cross-legged on top of a folded blanket or yoga block). Take a deep breath in and slowly exhale completely. Fold the index and middle fingers of your right hand toward the palm and use your right thumb to gently close the right nostril. Inhale deeply through the left nostril, and then use your right ring finger to close it. Hold the breath and then release the thumb from the right nostril to exhale. Then inhale through the right nostril and hold with both side closed, exhaling on the left side. Repeat this entire cycle several times, keeping your breath smooth and continuous, and then release your right hand.

If you’re familiar with Ujjayi breath, you can also do that instead, taking deep inhales, holding the breath for 4 counts, and extending your exhale as long as you can (or at least longer than the inhale). Repeat several times, for at least 4-5 rounds.

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By practicing balance poses, inversions, and breathing exercises, you can reduce tension in your body and calm your mind. These are simple exercises that you can do anytime and anywhere, either as a regular practice or when you’re experiencing stress and anxiety. If you try them out, let me know what you noticed, while you were practicing and afterward, in the comments!